Why I am Adorable (today)

I am Adorable because...

• because I have a "happy dance"! (which I discovered, when I found I had a heated, clean hotel pool all to myself at 6am on a Friday... happy dance once also seen on a volleyball court after one fantastic play.)
• because I allow myself to actually DO my happy dance!
• because I gracefully kept walking this morning, with a "have a nice day / don't call my people becuase we're so not doing lunch" wave, when a man chased me down the subway stairs repeatedly telling me he wanted to talk to me, and about how gorgeous I am (this guy had been, just moments before, totally blocking the stairway and unaware of anyone but himself... one of my particular NYC pet peeves!)
• because apparently, I am a natural leader (who knew?) this surprises me particularly when I'm feeling reluctant about actually being a leader.
• because I have 2 mcdonalds star wars bobblehead toys on my computer at work (ObiWan and Leia)
• because I'm getting better at asking for things that I do want, with detatchment, without getting snippy or sad or angry about not having them delivered atthisverymoment!
• because I'm shredding stuff that I am SO done with having in my "space"
• because I can accept I wasn't that great in college, and apparently am still capable of doing good work. I was, in a group of brainiacs, kind of average. And I got a D in one class and at least one C. (and I just shredded all but the final transcripts. byebye!)
• because I'm learning, at last, that I don't have to suck every morsel of knowledge out of every piece of paper that enters my house.
• because I never was perfect, and really don't have to be perfect right now either.
• because I'm also learning how to breathe and let things be because they are all just fine and unfinished right now.
• because I'm putting "because" on every line, even though its at the beginning and grammaticaly incorrect!
• because I am a work-in-progress.
• because I just say so.

Tour of the Universe

So, Yeah.

I finally think I can tag a name onto whatever it is I spend my time thinking on. I am, I think, a hobbyist Cosmologist. I think about all kinds of "crazy" ideas, think "ooohhh... coooool...." when I look at funky websites that many would dismiss as relative insanity, and actually have a working model for how the Universe functions that I've been tinkering with for years. If only I could actually explain it. I try. Sometimes.

(but not right now...)

So, in a prior post I sent a communique I received from a woman here in NYC that does all kinds of cool rituals in her apartment. About the opening of the Heaven's Gate on 8-8-8. And I suspect I have at least one reader of this blog, because I was emailed a link regarding the Ishtar Gate in Babylon (aka Iraq) so, here I am, google-ing "Lion's Gate" (and desparate to filter out the film maker) and land, of all places, in some guy's webpage about..well... something... and includes some really compelling and difficult to follow images, and, the more I read, the more I see I really have nearly no idea what this guy is saying...

Sigh.

anyway, there are a lot of people out there thinking a lot of interesting thoughts, and sometimes their efforts are worth reading, and sometimes they are incomprehensible.

kind of like this blog entry...

I am grateful

I am grateful for my life, as it is right now.

I am grateful for my friends, for my job, for my apartment, for having to work late because it means my job has that flexibility, and that my contribution to this project is important enough to warrant me staying. I am grateful for the internet, and for fantastic speakers on my work computer, becoming a jukebox after hours. I am grateful for feeling This Full. For knowing to take moments to move in a different direction, and to seek fun where it can be found.

I am grateful and I am sleepy and hungry. I am grateful I'm done with these drawing markups and can go home now!

Brain Full and Being Extraordinary

ooof i've been feeling busy. and full.

new thoughts, ideas, and plans have been skimming off the surface of my brain like a meteor that bounced off the atmosphere (can they do that? how bout a space capsule? it was in apollo 13 so it must be true)

I did discover, delightfully, that swimming is going to be one of my antidotes to the sensation of over-fullness. I once loved to swim, doing laps at community pool, not for 'exercise' but just to do it. kind of a meditation. what a perfect way to sneak in exercise to my schedule (psst! nobody tell me its good for me!)

and i've been a mite bit cranky, sorting thru some things regarding my relationship with something I'll call the SWA... I took a class (twice, in fact), loved it, received much from it, and it was a helluva good time... knew it wasn't 'everything' for me, and ended up sliding away from much of it without letting go of the good stuff I learned...

and I am now receiving advertising for its next upcoming session, and also for its advanced program... and it sounds, of course, so, so good.

Who doesn't want a life that is extraordinary?

my thoughts have been going something like this: I've realized and acknowledged, largely thanks to this class, that it is essential to follow my own inner calling, where i hear it. To be grateful, daily, for the blessings of being me. To honor my self when I hear that inner voice that says "I don't want to Do that." or "take the ride." To know that hot baths and hugs and laughter are essential. For me. To know if someone offers to fly you to Paris for a week and you want to go, you say Yes.

But what the hell does extraordinary really mean, and why would I need to take a class, again, to get a grasp on that?

Do I feel the need, the desire, to stuff myself like a goose being prepared for pate, of all of the 'good stuff' as defined by a class I've already taken? Something happens when you get a group of people together... there's a group-think that sometimes goes on, an almost magnetic alignment, where what someone else is doing looks way more special, important, or fun than whatever it was you were doing. And sometimes, it just might be, and it's good to feel that out from time to time. But not always. Sometimes, its just nice to hear someone else's adventures, and not go along for their ride. Sometimes, someone else just believe their own press, and when you look at the fine print, what you got ain't lookin so bad at all, and you wouldn't trade your sandals for a mile in her stillettos.... but you can honor her choices as her own.

I prefer a comfortable sandal with some style to it to a stilletto. They're safer, I can walk all day in them, and I can still have my painted toenails seen. If I, as I am, choose to wear stillettos, I might spend a few hours in them, tops, then switch to flats. Which is more pleasureable? The sexy beauty of a stilletto along with the discomfort of having your whole body weight carried on a few square inches (and carrying an extra pair of shoes to change into), or a still-cute but more, dare i say, practical sandal that you can wear all day and dance in, without any thought whatsoever?

Leading an extraordinary life is a state of being. Its a choice and a perspective that doesn't just come from the 'brain'. Its a decision to eke out joy and pleasure where ever you can find it, and listen to your inner guidance system when it says "time out. where the hell are we going, exactly?" To feel your way through situations and circumstances in a way that calls for a listening that goes deeper.

To live conscious and awake. To honor yourself most deeply, by following that inner voice which is most truly and clearly your own.

To stop looking for answers in other people.

And what, after all this, does My inner voice say? The class was great. Fantastic. Life-altering. I am grateful for the ride. I'd recommend it to anyone. But the ride of my life is totally my own. I always have the option if I chose it, to take the class again, or the advanced program. As an alternate... I can take the money and invest it. I can go on vacation. I can buy body butter, lingere, and cosmetics by the truckload. I can spend my time learning French. Becoming better friends with my friends. Laughing more. Sleeping in. And living more awake to Me.

T.G.I.M. 8.11.08

I am grateful for:

• my friends and all the varieties they come in
• remembering to take a moment to be grateful on a bizzy monday
• finding new motivation to try something new (like swimming)
• nail polish on my toes
• a weekend of serious nothing-doing (of course I can still wear myself out just by thinking!)
• summer
• beautiful weather
• turning off the A.C.
• the awareness I have of not wanting to feel 'stressed', and making the choices towards more pleasurable thoughts
• a great night at S-Factor on friday (Flight Night!)
• breathing into the tight spaces
• the internet
• my much cleaner apartment
• my sense of humor
• my cats
• opportunity
• inappropriate textmessages
• love
• freedom
• blue skies

Turning The Other Cheek (literally...)

This morning, a happy friday morning, I got on the subway and found, as per usual, an open seat that I occupied. It is a bit of a ride between A and B, so I always choose to sit. A few stops later, a woman who is larger than I, got on, and squeezed herself between me and the person in the seat 2 over... pushing out of the seat I was in, far enough to be uncomfortable. these are the butt-shaped seats, and other than sitting in the seat itself, having the ridge right into your sitz bone would keep many more bottoms than the princess and the pea unhappy.

So, I engaged in border warfare. Refusing to give ground and be moved any further out of my seat. And I'm not a tiny person either, but damnit, i was there first! MY SEAT! And, I have measured my own width and know that I generally fit within one seat-space. I sat and used my I-pod, texted on my cell, and played ignorant to her clear frustration at me not sitting astride the ridge between two seats and thereby making her more comfortable and me, less.

After a while, I had to ask myself, "Is this worth it?" and recalled a recent conversation with someone who shared that he'd not reacted when a drunk man spat on him... So, I thought... and realized... I'm healthy, I can stand, I'm holding onto a pole and listening to music (and is that ever a bad thing?),this seat isn't important, I'll be working in my seat all day... So, if it is THAT important for this woman with her fat ass to occupy a plastic subway seat so much that she'd push me out of mine... well.. she can have it.

So I stood, back facing her, no longer occupying my (former) half-empty seat, or the half-empty one adjacent to me, wishing a bit that I had a fart somewhere in my system...

and in a few stops, sat in the newly unoccupied seat next to mine, when another person got up. Measuring again, my ass, for conformance with subway-ass specifications (and yes I do fit).

so, the moral of the tale is,

sometimes it's just better to let someone have the plastic seat if its that important to them.

post-whine

Yes, I deleted a post I put up yesterday..

Didn't notice? Good.

nobody really wants to hear it when anybody complains. Unless you're a famous commentator and get paid to kvetch. I've figured that out, so, i've deleted it from my blog. Even if you think you're not complaining... and logic and reason may be part of the complaint itself, but still, people shut their ears if you have a negative emotion floating around. Most people, however, persist in complaining themselves, and don't get this, but will ignore you when you complain. No, it doesn't matter if you have a very very good reason (so I doubt anyone even registered yesterday's post, other to judge me as one cranky b1tch). Find someone empathetic, let them witness your wounding, and move on...

I needed to say what I said, and, as I've taken responsibility for my self, feeling what I feel, forgiving, and moving forward, as I can...

and getting as much sleep as feasible.

its a cyclical thing... like cleaning out your closet and releasing what you can, then going back in later on to find there's more to release, and more, but the stuff not released in January shows up in May to be considered, then again in August...

I'm learning I am not responsible to teach the whole world... at least not in an active way... that I can't change behavior of other people, the best I can do for myself is accept it, accept my own humanity and the humanity of others, and if a circumstance is a blockade move around it, or occasionally as Victoria Moran suggests in her book Creating a Charmed Life, to let the mountain just be there...

last night I took myself out for a filet mignon. Such a delicious treat... the whole mean was priceyer than I usually spend on meals, but really, it was SO worth it!!

still, I feel like the energy around is in upheaval, and I'm feeling stuckish, occasionally swampy, occasionally fantastic, surprised by things in good ways, and have been pulling my energy inward, and allowing the chaos to swirl because that's what it seems to want to do (speaking of which I really need to pay my bills).

ooof theres that sensation in my belly again... all the undone things, threatening to come up, thru my esophagus, and send me into a panick...

but really, after having an elevator on a project appear and disappear again (don't ask its not that interesting) and a meeting invade my progress.... I've done Enough today.

a forwarded galactic memorandum regarding ... 8 - 8 - 8

(s/he who has ears to hear... let them hear)



Subject: "8-8-8 * OPENING THE GALACTIC INFINITY GATEWAY" from Archangel Michael

Message from Archangel Michael Transmitted Through Ronna Herman

Friday, August 8, 2008

"8-8-8 * OPENING THE GALACTIC INFINITY GATEWAY"

Beloved Masters, many time/event triggers within the Sacred Heart core of humanity and within the crystalline construct of the Earth are being activated as ALL Creation within this universal experience moves more rapidly along the spiral of evolutionary ascension. One of the major time triggers for the activation of the eighth-dimensional Infinity Gateway will occur on your calendar date of August 8, 2008 or 8-8-8.

An important cosmic moment will take place at that time, for the eighth-dimensional portal will be accessible to those of you who are diligently working to balance and harmonize your frequency patterns so that you will be able to integrate the maximum Creator Light during these times of unprecedented opportunity for spiritual growth. By doing so you, the vanguard, are opening and clearing the pathway for those following behind you. Even though there is no linear time in the higher realms, these event triggers are initiated during specific times which are important to humanity and, therefore, will more readily inspire participation and remembrance of the event.

Beginning with the Total Eclipse of the Sun in the sign of Leo on August 1, 2008, humanity and the Earth will experience another cycle of acceleration and expansion of consciousness. There will also be a partial Eclipse of the Moon on August 16, 2008 in Aquarius, the solar sign of the coming Golden Age. August 16th is also the anniversary of the Harmonic Convergence which took place 21 years ago in 1987. At that time, many people around the Earth awakened, for a cosmic alarm clock went off which triggered a massive Divine discontent among the Star Seed who came to Earth to be the wayshowers and the advance guard for the ascension process that is now in full swing.

THE FIGURE EIGHT TURNED ON ITS SIDE IS THE INFINITY SIGN OF ETERNAL LIFE and connects you with the brightness and blessings of our Father/Mother God and the Supreme Creator. The 8-8-8 Galactic Gateway is being flung open to allow the full measure of Adamantine Particles to flow forth from the heart center of the Supreme Creator via our Father/Mother God. These particles, which are filled with unlimited potential, are being made available for all those who have prepared their human vessels to receive this gift of Life/Light.

It will be of great benefit if you make your preparations now for the 8-8-8 Galactic Gateway activation. It has been called the Lion’s gate; however, it could better be called the Royal Gateway, for it is the gateway to your Divine heritage and the true beginning of your return journey to your many mansions in the heavenly realms that you created on your journey into density.

You are being prepared to meet and merge with many of the facets of your Higher Self that you left in a multitude of Pyramids of Light throughout this universe. Those of you on the path are gradually returning to an understanding of universal laws and cosmic truths. As you traverse the path toward enlightenment, you will gradually rectify and eliminate all erroneous concepts from the past that have created your false, creed-bound traditions and your limited reality of scarcity, unworthiness, superstition and fear. Via self-examination, you must develop a new creed of life and decide whether you will follow the path of Light or the path of the shadowlands.

We are asking those of you who have faithfully followed our teachings to join together in the World Pyramid of Light in the highest fifth dimension during this important time. As you unite with your spiritual brothers and sisters from around the world, we ask you to join in a great prayer together:

"BELOVED FATHER/MOTHER GOD, I ASK FOR MY HIGHEST GOOD, THE GREATEST GOOD FOR THE EARTH AND ALL HUMANITY."

Breathe in the LIGHT, and breathe OUT the sacred Adamantine Particles of Creation activated by your unconditional loving energy. "BREATHE IN LIGHT ** BREATHE OUT LOVE ** BREATHE IN LIGHT ** BREATHE OUT LOVE." The Infinity Breath exercise will enhance your efforts and increase the personal benefits you will derive; however, it is not necessary for this powerful meditation and prayer to be effective. By doing so, you will radiate forth from your Sacred Heart core the Adamantine Particles of Life/Light that you have drawn forth from the Creator Source, and it will be gathered and magnified one thousand fold.

This blessed elixir will be used to assist humanity and the Earth, it will reinforce the determination and dedication of the righteous, dedicated souls, and will gradually cut off the resources of those who are only interested in power, control and domination of the masses.

Also, while in communion with your Father/Mother God, radiate your gratitude and heartfelt thanks for the many blessings that are being bestowed upon you. Not with words, beloveds, but with an outpouring of love from within the core of your Sacred Heart. It is also a most wondrous gift to yourself, for you will know without a doubt that you are connected to the Source of ALL as the love is returned to you in greater and greater measure.

When your Sacred Heart blazes forth with the Living Fire of Adamantine Particles, which are the particles of infinite Creation, you will begin to manifest miracles beyond imagining. When you regain access to this precious Elixir of life and ignite it with your loving intention, all the qualities of God-consciousness begin to flow through you and out into the world of form.

The practice of discernment requires the use of the wisdom and the advanced intelligence stored within your Sacred Mind. However, you must not judge those whose truth does not conform with your own. Discernment is deciding what your personal truth is, which creates the rules and wisdom you are to live by.

The mind can be a masterful servant, but without its connection to the Sacred Heart it can be a destructive master. That is why it is imperative that you activate and empower both the Sacred Heart and the Sacred Mind. The ego attracts disharmony and dissatisfaction, and causes you to look outside of yourself for solutions and a state of equilibrium. The ego mind judges and condemns; however, the Sacred Mind requires that you filter information/knowledge through the Sacred Heart, thereby making the best choices for the greatest good. Moving from judgment to discernment means making choices via the wisdom of the Sacred Mind and the compassion of the Sacred Heart.

This means developing your own creed based upon the truth as you know it and then living that truth to the best of your ability, while allowing others the same right. Seeking and living your truth is your covenant with our Father/Mother God and it is the path of harmonious and fruitful living. When you separate yourself from the Supreme Creator and the God parents of this universe, you also separate yourself from the flow of Adamantine Particles and diminishes your Life Line to the Source.

Beloveds, as you gain self-mastery, you will begin to view life through a filter of love. You will become an observer and a positive interactive force, not a reactor who reinforces or compounds a negative situation that comes your way for your learning. When your prayers are wrapped in the loving energy of your Sacred Heart, they are always answered for your greatest good.

Prayers from the ego-self are answered by allowing you to seek your own solution through the filter of your misconceptions, and via the distorted frequency patterns of your inappropriate actions. You must embrace all facets of your God-consciousness. Do not see the trials and tests in your life as punishment, but as an opportunity to discover the illusion of limitation you have built around you which is keeping you from true freedom of expression and creation.

Self-mastery means that you decide what you wish to experience and the path you will follow. You initiate action instead of reacting to circumstances and other people’s actions. As a human Being, you must be aware of negative emotions as they arise. Immediately neutralize them through the transformative power of forgiveness.

Many of you on the path are very old souls and are experiencing your last reincarnation on Earth, if you so desire. You have completed your earthly mission and did not need to return, but agreed to do so in order to be a wayshower for your soul families and loved ones. Before incarnating, you agreed to help anchor the higher frequencies of Light needed to assure that the greatest number of souls would be ready and able to take part in the ascension process now in progress.

We know who you are. We of the higher realms recognize each of you through your Soul/energy signatures. As your intuitive abilities increase, you will also be able to recognize us through our loving vibrational patterns or our energetic signature. Once the shield that you have placed over your Solar Power Center is removed and your Sacred Heart is ignited with Adamantine Particles, the beauty of your Soul and the fire of Spirit will always shine through, and your auric field will begin to expand and grow in radiance. You are laying the foundation for higher truths: a new creed for all humankind, a creed of freedom, equality, abundance and peaceful co-existence and, most important, a closer connection with our Father/Mother God and with us.

Beloved sons and daughters of the Light, the glorious gifts and opportunities being offered to you are beyond the comprehension of many of you and the unawakened masses. The information we, the servants of our Mother/Father God, have given you over the past few decades has never been revealed to the masses before. The secret wisdom teachings were reserved for the select few, the initiates and disciples who took an oath to reject their loved ones, all earthly pleasures and possessions.

Slowly and laboriously, sometimes over several lifetimes, they dedicated themselves to intense study, deprivation of physical needs, and rigorous training, exercises and initiations. Many perished or fell by the wayside, for some of the tests were dangerous and beyond the capabilities of all but the most disciplined and hardy souls. Many of you who are fearful and hesitate to move forward on the path of illumination were among those who failed or perished in past initiations.

You did not fail, beloveds, for you helped set the stage and open the higher frequency pathways for the miraculous times you are in the midst of presently. During these unprecedented times, you are not being asked to abandon your family, your possessions or earthly pleasures. In fact, just the opposite is encouraged. As a self-master you must strive to live in both your inner and outer worlds; if you deny either one, you are not fully conscious and you are out of balance.

You have not been asked to retreat into a remote sanctuary to gain en-Lighten-ment, but to create a sacred sanctuary, a column of refined frequencies of Light around you, so that no matter where you go, you will take your sacred space with you. You are being offered an opportunity to don your cloak of Light and accept the crown of immortality as you join the ranks of ‘ascending masters’.

Dearest hearts, be of great courage and resolve, for you are the guiding Lights for humanity. The rarified Light frequencies and codes of ascension must flow through you and out into the world. You are honored for your dedication and steadfastness, and you are loved profoundly,

I AM Archangel Michael

Transmitted through Ronna Herman

* Copy freely and share. However, we ask that you share this message in its entirety and give proper credit. WE OFFER ARCHANGEL MICHAEL’S MESSAGES ON OUR WEBSITE AS A GIFT. http://www.ronnastar.com/latest.html

brags 8.04.08

I've decided to start bragging, right here:

I brag that I made a very short business trip VERY pleasurable:

• One of my colleagues took care of our ground transportation to the airport in a lovely hired towncar. I didn't have to do anything at all, except show up.
• I was well taken care of during my outbound flight, by a friend of one of my friends who happens to be a flight attendant.
• I got my desire to eat in the hotel restaurant the night of our arrival rather than have our group venture out into the ridiculous heat...
• I said "no" to going for a walk because I wanted some Me time.
• I ended my Thursday by lounging in a HOT TUB on a SUN DECK.
• I started my Friday work-day by lounging in a HOT TUB on a SUN DECK at 6:30am. And getting a great view of the Rockies...
• I wished a Hagrid-sized man to relocate himself out of the seat next to me and he moved across the aisle on my very delayed return flight (the seats were freed up once they pushed us back to the gate, and people decided to disembark), without me saying a word.
• I, and the rest of the flight, received a free cocktail as, I suspect, a way to say "thank you for being so patient" due to the delay.
• The woman next to me shared a candy bar with me, and gave me her magazine when she was finished... more importantly, we laughed a lot together.
• and, I landed at the airport I had picked out on my ticket YAY!!!

I brag that I have been gifted the use of a man who loves to do stuff for women. Without any kind of compensation. Kind of a free personal servant. I still can't figure out the "how" of this one, but apparently there are men who like to do this (who knew? I'm still waiting for $200 from a man who swore he'd pay it back. I've totally given up on it.). The gift was from a friend of mine who has had several "houseboys" who will come over and clean for her, and its their pleasure to do so. Again, I repeat, there is no quid pro quo at all. Even, apparently, my gratitude is unnecessary. I brag I am learning that it is, for me, a challenge to come up with stuff for this guy to do, because I'm so used to and capable of doing nearly everything myself. This is a good skill-building for me on receiving, because, honestly, I'm unfortunately not very used to telling someone what I want and actually getting it. This lack has been frustrating, and hopefully, I'll be able to learn something about asking and receiving. I told this man (basically a total stranger who I'm not "interested" in) that I wanted flowers on my desk at work, and that I'm partial to daisies. This was truly a stretch for me, to allow myself to ask and receive, and not think I was being judged for either the asking or receiving.