my letter written and sent to the Chief Rabbi of Great Britain, upon completely reading is excellent book

Dear Sir Sacks,

I was blessed to recently read a copy of The Dignity Of Difference, and I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated it. I am grateful for your mind, and for your ability to express yourself in a way that truly conveys what the issues are that are important for all of us in an increasingly interrelated world.

I am writing to you from the United States, and am a highly intelligent woman, an engineer, single, heterosexual, raised in a Republican home (now Libertarian in my political views), raised-Roman Catholic but now consider myself as not having a specific religion, because none of them really "fit" me, and I do see truth in all of them.

I would like to share my thoughts with you on a topic directly related to your book. I think that the covenant agreements as they presently exist are to be questioned, revitalized and revised to match the truth of who people are, irrespective of gender or age, and to also to include within the agreements that these covenants are open to revision as individuals grow and develop.

The covenant agreements as they are made today are more often than not made between parties who do not consider themselves equitable. For example, parents create a life based on their own perspectives and "traditions" that may not "fit" the identity of the child, and may create a circumstance where a child grows up with a severe identity crisis because of the parent's own limited world view. Also the contract between man and woman in marriage, the man is seen as the leader under a traditional value system, but that the "male breadwinner"/"female caregiver" role has largely disintegrated, and frankly, the woman may be more capable as the economics of industry has turned away from muscle-based labor as its driving forces. Personally the thought of being cherished and treated as a more traditional woman by a man who is more capable in the world than I am is a very welcome idea, but, given my God-given talents and the service I offer to my professional clients, I suspect the relationship I will create with my man may involve aspects which may be somewhat less "traditional".

It has been my observation that the preservation of the dignity of difference of which you speak exists not only between cultures, but between the genders within one culture as well. The role of women in all of the major religious and non-religious cultures in this world is subjected to the subjugation of their opinions and beliefs based on gender. When reading your book, I kept seeing reflected that "every woman is like a jew"... a group of people that is different but lives in direct relationship to all cultures on the planet. And intelligent women of history who carried the culture of women have been condemned as witches and killed for the fear of their wisdom. Women, in recent historically have also been set against one another most often as competitors rather than having a shared culture, and our culturally approved identity absorbed by the dominant (male) culture in which we live... and the "carrot" of what "should" be our "goals" as women (as established by the media, in the absence of an alternate view) set so far out as to be frustrating and unachievable... In short, there is presently no equivalent state of Israel for women, and no Torah, either in virtual-space or physical.

It is clear to me that the issues of women and of real gender equity is essential and inseparable to the global cultural dialogue of which you speak! I completely agree with you that a more localized perspective, and a respect for the role of religion, faith, and family play in the development of personal identity, however, when the sub-set of woman in all cultures is still consistently treated as a minority party of each culture, the dialogue between varying cultures will continue to be contentious. Women are a subset of all cultural groups, and sometimes a majority in population, and yet, all over this world women are bullyied, beheaded, and belittled in the interest of keeping a "culture" to its "fundamental" or "religious" perspectives.

For example, men are chosen as world leaders, but can't leave their house without their wife's assistance at matching their socks... And yet when a woman offers her qualified opinion to her man on work or financial matters, he will often reject it or ignore it or feel like she's not treating him "like a man". But consider this -- how well are men doing with the job of leading nations? Might not a woman's hand in things be of great assistance?

I've often seen this in my work as a lead electrical engineer on projects. Men (particularly older men) who are working on my projects will disregard my comments, but say to me "yes, yes, I reviewed it I'm taking care of it", and persist in doing things "their way" until they hear the very same comment from someone else who is a man, or until I exert my authority a second or third time. I've learned that I must address this without anger, although having my company authorized role and my engineering judgement, ignored and disregarded does feel very personal.

For the past few years, I have been a student of women, men, relationships, and myself, and have reclaimed a more feminine life, after having being raised to think more like a "man" than as a woman. I have forgiven, and continue to forgive, the "traditional" world-view that led me to feel like the identity of who I am was stuffed into a box. The irony is, the part of me that got devalued was the feminine part. I am personally doing the very work of which you talk in your book on a personal level, of forgiving, of remaining open in conversation and moving into my own wholeness.

The only way I personally have been able to come to a sense of centered-ness when dealing with "traditional (male) values (both contractural and covenantial)" was within a group of women that I've found, where we have created our own sub-culture that is focused on the creation of the life each of us individually desires through the spiritual practice of pleasure, receiving, and joy (http://www.mamagenas.com/) and also the art of returning to and honoring the organic feminine movement and shape of living in a woman's body (http://www.sfactor.com/ I'm pleased to say we have classes in the synagogue across the street from the main studio as well!). These groups feel like both a contract and a covenant relationship with these women, and it changes and metamorphosizes regularly. It is made up of women of varied cultural backgrounds (although I do have to say there are more liberals than conservatives within these groups!). As a result my consistent associations with other women, I can now look again at the Roman Catholicism I was raised with and recognize more of its gifts, and not lose my identity in the process.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I truly enjoyed your book, and will be looking up your work online to read more of it. I truly would love to read your own perspective on the role of women as it relates to and is in parallel to and integral with this cultural identity evolution we are going through... And I suspect it will be women who are most involved in creating this conversation, because we've been dealing with these issues for the whole of our lives when dealing with the cultures of men, as it is also women whose wills are subjugated by force in the interest of fundamentalism and the preservation of a so-called "culture". The evolution of culture and the Dignity of Difference which you speak will be best accomplished when men and women can appreciate and value this within their own homes, with individuals we sleep under the same roof with, in conjunction with the mutual understanding and giving value to vastly different cultures from our own.

ode to my crankyness on ode writing

An Ode To My Crankyness On Ode Writing
having not written odes on Thighs, Wrists, Ovaries & Uterus, Breasts, and Lips.
first typed draft 10/26/08
(to be read aloud)

Viva La Resistance!
The keyboard stands empty
as unexpressed
My Lips, My Breasts,
My Thighs, My Wrists,
My Ovaries and Uterus
Their beauties in ode
repressed.

No! Say I
and No! again, No More!
Shall I dissect the sum of me
Subdivided in unliving soliloquy
For the whole is more
than that which stands alone.
For what are lips without
wrists to kiss or breasts to suck upon?
And where thighs meet
and pussyfeet to
uterus hidden throne?

Shall these sisters be
individual adorned
When apart they do not live?The same blood course
The same fate cast
the same reign shall I give!

Solomon got the whole thing write
When in his Song of Songs
He calls each piece
within her place
adorning each
with special grace
and then he trails... along...

My ostentations breast cry out,
"Nay! I want my ode!"
"Tell all the world of The Great Ta-Tas
and titties that you hold!"
Rebellious creatures. Noisy wits.
More attention do you cry?
"Yes!" she says and "Yes!" she too
"You know damn well we do!"

Dare I ask you, little wrists
your opinion on the sum?"Well" with breathy soft exhale
"Essential essence in S is yours
expression sine qua non sinuosity...
Darling, where would you be without usss?"

I bow my head, surrendering,
Neck giggles, knows
her time will come...
my lips just smile, blow me a kiss,
and say, "now, wasn't that just fun?"
"write the odes my little brain
let ego choose its part
for pleasure lays in Our embrace
so worship from the heart."

The souls of creation say "we are well pleased"Bodily manifest as ovaries
Uterian orchestration of doing the undone
Spinning worlds in flesh
of magic wells
and speaking through these ancient spells
WRITE! she calls AND WORLDS REPLY
WE WILL SPIN YOUR GOLD FROM BASIC THINGS
AND IN YOUR INKING GRANT YOU WINGS
I AM says She I CREATE.
LOVE YOUR FLESH SAY I.

The thunder from the voice of God passes,
gently, soft into night.
And the quiet pillars saying "Ssh..."
Carry all, bear all, all these parts. These thighs
say "ssh now.."
And I see their nobility
without them speaking a word.

"Mama May I?"

I'm getting this out of my system...

So, The Queen has chosen that without re-taking her class, I'm not to return to the online community...

and I'm good with that.

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I know I'm in the right place at the right time, I know, thanks to asking for permission, that- guess what- I don't need to ask for permission...

and in the email back to me, the word sisterarchy was used... and I thought, "huh, that's a new one" Matriarchy, Patriarchy, hierarchy, ... ok ... sisterarchy (rather than sororarchy, which just has too many r's in it). And I don't know if this is now a word-part of this organization or not, but I doubt that it was made up by the person sending the email. SO, I did some thinking.

I looked up "hierarchy" on dictionary.com (convenient and excellent website) and found that the roots are "hieros" (sacred) and "archein" (rule and order).... so, now, in sisterarchy someone has coined...a Something... that's supposed to be... well what? One would think that this would be a "rule and order" of "sisters"... hmmm... but the funny thing is... this group is ironically, and supposedly, not about playing by the rules. Its in trusting yourself. Your inner wisdom.

Its about dancing to my own tune. To my own inner order... which, I am doing. Even when that inner order leads me into chaos.

anyway the whole thing seems totally ironic to me. and then to call something that was supposedly boundless a sisterarchy... thereby creating something under Rule and Order. i mean, Yech. It changes NOTHING. All the talk about Revolution... it ain't a revolution unless it really is a revolution... otherwise its just a changing of the guard... and that will get us nowhere.

I am a little cranky because I really wanted this group to be something where change truly occurs. The kind of change that does up-end "how things are done" for the betterment of all... but changing my place within the same-old-same-old is only going to be of use to the individual... the fundamental shift has gone missing in this cauldron. The ingredient of chaos just got left out of the soup.

but, I no longer am looking for the affirmation.

And I'm no longer looking for permission.

So, it really doesn't matter.

(If you are paying attention, consider it a gift from me that I didn't turn in the class' CDs in to ASCAP...I do try to not Be the hand of Fate. let the wheel turn as it will.)

Women and Courage Conference 9/12 - 9/14 .. my reflections

from my notes --

Nitric Oxide is the biochemistry of joy, orgasm, and the white light seen at death (...) Joy doesn't mean nothing bad will ever happen(...)feminine energy sucks in and repairs everything around it (...) let yourself be excited. Don't put off your life(...) You are what the Divine wanted to experience. --- Dr. Christiane Northrup

The kind of leadership that nurtures, empowers, protects is the form of leadership that we are going to need going forward (...) how do I foster change without betraying my essential self (...) it is a confusing time and it is okay to be confused (...) allow yourself to be a participant in the evolution of human consciousness and the creation of a new myth (...) the Mamisima --- Elizabeth Lesser

We are the birthers of humanity. --- Queen Afua

The world is separated into facts, but we live most of our lives in our emotions (...) Rewrite the trauma. -- Loung Ung

Wake up from the Trance of Unworthyness (...) we take false refuge in busyness (...) and that everything is really important and I have to make the right decisions (...) find where we blame and come back into our body, agree to what's happening, and bring compassion and wisdom into the next moment(...) allow situations to unravel themselves(...) vengance is a lazy form of grief(...) ---Tara Brach

We do not need to ask for permission(...) with men as editors, museum curators, they act as "gatekeepers", who get to choose what is the best of the best (...) there is a biological difference in what men and women find humorous (different parts of the brain light up) but with a 50% female readership, the New Yorker only has 18% of its editorial cartoons done by women (...) take ownership of accomplishments (...) there is no right way to be a strong woman ---Sarah Peter

The mud, seeds, and worms of an unhappy childhood makes for creativity. I don't want to go to therapy to have that cleaned up (...) (regarding her book, Daughter of Fortune) "she's not looking for adventure she's looking for sex." (...) (on getting through writers block) I had a dream where I put Antonio Banderas on a tortilla, covered him in guacamole and salsa and ate him up. The next night I dreamed of Antonio Banderas in a bowl of rice pudding. The next night my husband suggested therapy. (...) Lust and gluttony are the only deadly sins worth the trouble --- Isabel Allende

How can a person wrap words around an experience? Any experience?

(and what happens when your pen isn't working, and you just can't scribble fast enough???)

This was a rather big experience, in a two day package.

Let me attempt to give you the gesture drawing of it, in words.

This was the Women and Courage conference, held at The Omega Institute in Rhinebeck NY. Omega is a bit like a yoga summer camp for grownups, with food much better than I remember from summer camp (and all vegetarian!).

I signed up on the day before the conference, prodded by my intuition to simply go, uncertain what this was going to be about. I turned over my credit card number for my room, train tickets, and conference, and before I knew it, I found that I was staying in a dorm called Nirvana in a quiet and green place, doing my best to settle my energy and listen and be present to what was around me.

The conference "weavers" called our presence with a drummer named Ubaka Hill, calling us like a town crier, a priestess, at the beginning of each session. There was something so sensible about using a drum, and the beautiful rhythms of it to call people together. Communication through sound that carries deep and far...

I became the unwitting and accidental (serendipitous??) representative "pole dancer" (the only S-Factor student... (Represent! I hear myself think...)) among these women... as Dr. Northrup and her daughters demonstrated hip circles on friday night... and then went elsewhere, not staying for the rest of the conference! I was wearing my S-factor long sleeve t-shirts both days of the conference, and was approached by several women wanting more... asking if the S could be brought to a womens conference in Indiana... another saying that "my hips don't move" and having the opportunity to tell her that is a very common thing with women... sharing how much emotion we keep trapped in our hip joints and how to move, pleasurably, not forcing it, and imagine scraping peanut butter off of the walls of the room... settling into Ruby's Pose... and to let the emotion come when it does... demonstrating more hip circles to an interested woman, and then getting many more questions from others, who were apparently paying attention! ...

During Queen Afua's presentation, we sang (chanted, maybe?) and harmonized the word for "magic word" in an african tongue. The two-hundred (I think it was more!) women present toning the word that was more sound than language, and it truly was magic...

We learned some of the history of feminist art in the U.S... all of which was unknown to me, in a movie presentation by Lynn Hershman Leeson... we laughed at the Target: Women Yogurt Edition (seriously HILARIOUS)... we connected with All Of Us (which will be on Showtime) and made the connection between childhood sexual abuse, promiscuity, lack of education, and incidence of HIV, (which now that I write it... OF COURSE there's a connection)... but then... and here's the kicker... they make the connection of the compromising of women's values and safety in the bedroom... across ALL socioeconomic classes...

What did I see? What did I learn?

That the leaders among women are not always well known.

That the angry feminism attributed as feminism is rapidly disappearing.

And its about time. We have more important things to do.

The voices of women, and of people whose skin doesn't look like mine, and of any underrepresented groups is essential to the fabric of a healthy society.

That these missing pieces in many cases are not necessarily the conscious decisions of exclusion, but that in every aspect where it occurs, it does a serious disservice to the excluded... and... to the included as well.

That these women are as funny, as wise, as self-possessed, as women who don't hold up the card that says, "I am a feminist"... and much of the time, moreso.

That to be a leader, you really Cannot give a s#it what people think of you. This I saw more from the presence of each of the speakers. You cannot get up in front of a group of people and do and say what they do, with a lot of ego. You cannot get your point across if you are worrying about what people are going to think about you wearing a white feather in your hair. Or talking about something as shocking as pleasure while doing hip circles with your daughters.

Also, there is no well-worn path! To be a leader requires courage that may come from a place of stillness and balance. And you cannot honestly find it by latching onto someone else's wisdom.

And... there is plenty of room to be a leader. To be centered in oneself. To have courage, the root of which is "the heart".

I am So going back next year...

Doing What Is Best For Me...

If there is one thing I can count on... its change.

I've read books telling about how our bodies change ALL the time. Our cells replace. It seems our consciousness is what keeps things inside boundaries... and we can pick, and learn and unlearn, the boundaries.

So, here I am, on a Wednesday, feeling like there are changes going on, and really, I should not be surprised.

So I took this great class (twice) and, when I couldn't wrap my head around something that happened with another student, and felt totally un-safe, I chose to leave the online community, which, according to the documents when I registered for the class, I'd have for my lifetime. I asked for my posts (All of them) to be deleted. Fast-forward to today(ish) where I learned what Kate from the movie French Kiss learned, that there's nothing safe enough to prevent things from happening to you... and that if you try you end up generally having a really boring time in the process... So, I decided to ask to return to this online community via email... after a few days of no response, I decided to see if I could actually log-on and, lo and behold, my account was still active! With about 300 posts still to my name! Well, geewhiz! So, I sent up a few posts ("brags" they're called...) and was roundly appreciated for returning... then I got an email (apologizing) that the webmistress would have to delete my posts, as we were waiting on a response from The Queen as to whether I would be allowed back on the boards...

and then I got the polite response from The Queen. Apparently, to be allowed the privelege of returning to the alumnae board (which I kicked myself off of, mind you...), she has "invited" me to take the class again. I can't say whether she thinks that I need the class, or if this is a matter of money (but taking a look at the economy...and at all I've learned and done which she has no knowledge of... my bet is on the former) but seriously... I'm not paying $3400 for access to a website. The website may be valuable, and the class may be extremely valuable, but I do have my priorities in order... It would not be pleasureable for me to take a class, although I'm sure I'd get a lot out of it, although not under these circumstances.

Don't misunderstand me, I do truly value what I've gotten from this class. I am much happier today than I was a few years ago. By that measure alone, the class was worth the price, the first, and the second time. I will say that along the way, I made choices that I would consider, now, taking back, but the choices were mine, and I'll stand with them.

Its kind of funny the way other people "know whats good for you"... its even funnier to me, considering this class opens paradigm shifts about exactly that... that the belief systems that have defined ourselves, up until now, may not fit who we actually are... and that the way to living the life we desire is to do what is pleasureable to ourselves, to follow our own inner voice, and break those boundaries where necessary. Sorry, Sweetheart, but why would I take on your definition of what's good for me, now, when you encouraged me to define my own life to begin with? I could go to Paris with that money!!!

I just had no idea I was SUCH a troublemaker... if I'd known this when I was in high school, I totally would have skipped class to go to McD's with the captain of the boys b-ball team.


The real Revolution lies within yourself and feeling your way through what is actually good for yourself...giving yourself permission, and choosing your teachers wisely. It lies in paying attention to the people and circumstances where you feel happy and satisfied (and the ones that don't!) and nurturing or weeding or pruning those things as needed. It lies in letting people love you, and laugh at you, and hold you when you cry... and in doing the same for them. Its in making a friend Chicken Tonite for dinner when he and his girl broke up. Its in learning not to let people stuff you into boxes that they choose (just because they're more comfortable with you like that) and loving them afterwards in spite of themselves. Its in living the day that is in front of you. Its in turning the so-called mundane into ritual and experiencing its meaning.

And in the thick of it, I don't think it always feels like a revolution at all, which can sometimes be the toughest part...

Brain Full and Being Extraordinary

ooof i've been feeling busy. and full.

new thoughts, ideas, and plans have been skimming off the surface of my brain like a meteor that bounced off the atmosphere (can they do that? how bout a space capsule? it was in apollo 13 so it must be true)

I did discover, delightfully, that swimming is going to be one of my antidotes to the sensation of over-fullness. I once loved to swim, doing laps at community pool, not for 'exercise' but just to do it. kind of a meditation. what a perfect way to sneak in exercise to my schedule (psst! nobody tell me its good for me!)

and i've been a mite bit cranky, sorting thru some things regarding my relationship with something I'll call the SWA... I took a class (twice, in fact), loved it, received much from it, and it was a helluva good time... knew it wasn't 'everything' for me, and ended up sliding away from much of it without letting go of the good stuff I learned...

and I am now receiving advertising for its next upcoming session, and also for its advanced program... and it sounds, of course, so, so good.

Who doesn't want a life that is extraordinary?

my thoughts have been going something like this: I've realized and acknowledged, largely thanks to this class, that it is essential to follow my own inner calling, where i hear it. To be grateful, daily, for the blessings of being me. To honor my self when I hear that inner voice that says "I don't want to Do that." or "take the ride." To know that hot baths and hugs and laughter are essential. For me. To know if someone offers to fly you to Paris for a week and you want to go, you say Yes.

But what the hell does extraordinary really mean, and why would I need to take a class, again, to get a grasp on that?

Do I feel the need, the desire, to stuff myself like a goose being prepared for pate, of all of the 'good stuff' as defined by a class I've already taken? Something happens when you get a group of people together... there's a group-think that sometimes goes on, an almost magnetic alignment, where what someone else is doing looks way more special, important, or fun than whatever it was you were doing. And sometimes, it just might be, and it's good to feel that out from time to time. But not always. Sometimes, its just nice to hear someone else's adventures, and not go along for their ride. Sometimes, someone else just believe their own press, and when you look at the fine print, what you got ain't lookin so bad at all, and you wouldn't trade your sandals for a mile in her stillettos.... but you can honor her choices as her own.

I prefer a comfortable sandal with some style to it to a stilletto. They're safer, I can walk all day in them, and I can still have my painted toenails seen. If I, as I am, choose to wear stillettos, I might spend a few hours in them, tops, then switch to flats. Which is more pleasureable? The sexy beauty of a stilletto along with the discomfort of having your whole body weight carried on a few square inches (and carrying an extra pair of shoes to change into), or a still-cute but more, dare i say, practical sandal that you can wear all day and dance in, without any thought whatsoever?

Leading an extraordinary life is a state of being. Its a choice and a perspective that doesn't just come from the 'brain'. Its a decision to eke out joy and pleasure where ever you can find it, and listen to your inner guidance system when it says "time out. where the hell are we going, exactly?" To feel your way through situations and circumstances in a way that calls for a listening that goes deeper.

To live conscious and awake. To honor yourself most deeply, by following that inner voice which is most truly and clearly your own.

To stop looking for answers in other people.

And what, after all this, does My inner voice say? The class was great. Fantastic. Life-altering. I am grateful for the ride. I'd recommend it to anyone. But the ride of my life is totally my own. I always have the option if I chose it, to take the class again, or the advanced program. As an alternate... I can take the money and invest it. I can go on vacation. I can buy body butter, lingere, and cosmetics by the truckload. I can spend my time learning French. Becoming better friends with my friends. Laughing more. Sleeping in. And living more awake to Me.