and in conclusion...

What I'm really here to say, with my overly and overtly simple equation, with my assumptions that don't take a lot into consideration, is that the rhetoric, and the general assumptions about "the other guy" and what s/he's thinking aren't necessarily true.

So please... if you want to make your point to your audience, on facebook, on your blog or where-ever, don't post groups that propose jonathan swift-type responses to people's oppositions.

Just give me the facts, from a reputable source, and let me decide for myself how I feel about it.

Tell me how many uninsured people are, right now, going to the emergency room every time they have a cold.
Tell me how many, and what percentage, and what the cost impacts are, for people who walk out on their bills.
Tell me what happens to the fiscal health of the bill's proposed healthcare system if presently uninsured people do not opt to take advantage of it... and perhaps that's the reason the latest version of the bill says that it will be required for everyone to purchase insurance, or pay a penalty for not doing so.
Tell me what you're going to do about people depending on doctors to fix them, rather than taking personal responsibility.
Tell me how much my healthcare is going to cost me, and what the quality of my care will be, under the new plan. And back it up with numbers.

Because really, all the whining about the opposition to the bill, and how stupid, or partisan, or greedy, or racist "THEY" are, just makes me stay away from you, too.

The Healthcare Bill, Reform, and all that that implies...

The healthcare debate has been giving me a headache...

Where do I stand? Let me make it clear that I am not in opposition to people having access to affordable health insurance. I think it is a great idea. I am personally grateful that I am in a position where I purchase my health insurance within a plan at a corporation.

What I have been having difficulty accepting is that so far, is the nature and discussion of the reform, the bill, and whether or not it's actually really good for me or for anyone else.

I also have found it difficult to separate rhetoric from truth, and question everything I'm hearing on both sides of the aisle in regard to this bill... And all I really wanted to know is:

(1) How much will this cost me / save me?
(2) How will this impact the quality of available healthcare for me?
(3) What is the overall impact to society in having this bill become "universal health care"?

So, I focused, like my geometry teacher taught me to: work from what I know to what I don't know... so I built a very basic formula in my head.

The current healthcare system has "A" citizens paying into it, at an average rate of "a" per citizen. Now, those who are paying in are assumed to, largely be able to afford it, and are buying typically, at a bulk rate from their company's packaged plan. There are also those paying in via individual rates, and those are notably higher.

The future healthcare system, however it is designed, will have in addition to "A" quantity of citizens, "B" quantity of citizens who previously couldn't afford healthcare, paying in at rate "b". If they could afford healthcare now, they'd be in group "A", so let's assume for the model that they can't. Rate "b" is less than rate "a", because it is assumed to be subsidized by the government.

Outside of both groups "A" and "B" lies any costs for anyone who walks away from costs of healthcare incurred, such as illegal aliens who can't afford, or even get, coverage. As it is, this number will impact the model, no matter how it's drawn, so it is outside the discussion as not having an impact to the cost.

For the sake of this modeling, "A" and "B" and "a" and "b" are all constants

The current system looks like this:
(A * a) / A = a available funds per person for healthcare in group A,
and a very big expense for any incidents to people in group B, but no monthly expense to them at all when they are healthy.

The universal healthcare system looks like this
(A * a) + (B * b) / (A+B) = available funds per person for healthcare in group A+B

What does this mean, and how do the two systems compare?
well, we've already established that b < a ("b" is less than "a" for the liberal arts majors ;) )
but let's just run the numbers a bit...

if the number of people in group B is 10% the number of people in group A (I'm assuming 10% of the citizen population not having health care right now).. B = 0.1*A
and the cost of healthcare for group B is subsidized at an average rate of 30%.. b = 0.7*a
then the equation for universal healthcare looks like this
(A * a) + (0.1A * 0.7a) / (A+0.1A) =
(A*a) + (0.07A*a) / (1.1A) = 0.973a available funds per person...
in other words, where the health care needs for citizens in group A and B are held constant, under the universal healthcare plan, no matter how its designed, as long as someone is subsidizing the care for group B the available funds per paying citizen under the new universal plan is, at best, 97% of what it is now, for a combined group of A and B.

This initial estimate may sound FANTASTIC for group B, and tolerable for group A, and "why are all you Group A people WHINING about paying for my healthcare, lets get rid of all fire departments, roads and schools because clearly you must think it's all socialism, etc etc etc...and why are you being so unreasonable..."

That 97% is at best. If the people in group B have more dependents, their healthcare cost per person goes up. If the people in group B have preexisting conditions requiring care, their cost goes up. If there are more people in group B than my estimate, or their subsidised at an average higher rate... in all of these cases, the available funds per citizen DROPS... which affects the quality of care. (now.. give some thought to what you suspect is the actual demographic of group B ....)

(and if you didn't bother working thru the basic algebra with me... well... tell me again the bit about the public school system being a public good??)

so as I thought more... hmmm... "maybe the health insurance companies are making big money, and if they just cut profits we'd be ok to cover that slack."
Guess what. Health insurance companies AREN'T making big profits. At most, they are making a profit margin of about 4 percent. That's it.
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Why-Health-Insurers-Make-usnews-2363456358.html?x=0&.v=2

as you can see in this article, the higher profits are for Biotech and Big Pharma (big surprise there...). But I haven't heard much in this debate about Pharma and I've heard nothing on Biotech. Both Pharma and Health Insurance can be discussed in a per-citizen kind of way, because of what they provide... why the f*** are we focused on building another healthcare system to add to the government bureaucracies, when the for-profit businesses aren't making a mad amount of profit anyway? The truth is, for-profit businesses do whatever they can to make that profit, so if they are only making 4%, it isn't a great business to be in to begin with!

What kind of efficiency measures will the government be able to enact that are going to be SO fantastic that they are going to overcome what a business whose purpose it has been to make money, hasn't been able to enact?

I have personally noticed that when a for-profit company does something, that efficiency in the name of those gawdawful profits in general means they do a good job at getting the job done, in comparison to a comparable government agency. Private entities also are clearer about what they want, and don't change their project scopes over and over because it is a waste of money to do that. And government bureaucracies don't go away! By means of example: Robert Moses, enacted tolls on TBTA facilities that were supposed to end when the facility was paid for. In the 1940s and 50s. But instead, they just kept right on collecting, and funding, works of Moses' personal empire building, and it took a lot to stop him (but nobody ever stopped the money...). I have more recent onces, but I unfortunately feel compelled to remain closed lipped about them. But look around yourself for them... How did Fannie Mae do with mortgages? How did the SEC do handling Bernie Madoff?

Now you may say that the people who got Madoffed "got what they deserved (those greedy bastards)" but just think... You're an investor. you have made some money and you want to save up more so you can go on a cruise when you get older and enjoy the fruits of your labor. The American Dream. You are expecting that your money and investment is protected by laws and rules that have been enacted in the united states where you live, you understand that investments go up and down, and some guy is showing great profits. Great! Sign me up! He's a genius (until he's not)!

Plus there's a little thing called Sovereign Immunity. "In the United States, the federal government has sovereign immunity and may not be sued unless it has waived its immunity or consented to suit."
which means... unless there's a really good reason for it... have fun trying to sue the new "public option" part of the healthcare system!

And why, may I ask, if we are truly interested in "the good of the people", are we NOT focused on the sacred and profitable cow of the Pharmaceutical Industry?
Who's lobbyists do you think are better? The Health Insurance Industry, who we'll be ripping apart if this new bill goes through, putting people out of work because those meager 4% are going to DROP, or the Pharmaceutical Industry, who's making more profit, and we're not focused on them in this debate?

How about reducing the healthcare expenditures of people so the available money goes much further?
What about teaching and funding PREVENTATIVE CARE?
Are gym memberships, acupuncture, massage, all going to be covered in the universal care system? Why do I doubt it? You've got some yahoo republican senator suggesting maternity care not be insured (because he doesn't need it so he doesn't want to pay for it)!

Nope... to renovate this system.. to provide healthcare coverage for people who would like to have it... we're going after the little guy. We're going after the companies who are actually doing something by insuring for our years of self-abuse and stress, and all those free radicals causing degenerative diseases, that one day we're going to need it and get our moneys back.

I can think of a lot more things we could be doing with this system renovation. But who the heck am I? Just an infrequent blogger out in cyberspace, who has learned that you can't tell anybody anything. That people will believe what they want, and if you answer questions before they ask them, they REALLY won't listen. And if you ask the questions instead of giving them the answers... they get pissy and defensive, and declare you're clearly for "the other guy".

So, I'm going to focus on creating my reality the way I see fit. To continue to improve my life and hope that all I'll need is emergency care, eye care and dental care. I've said my piece, I've resolved my own headache with the healthcare bill, and, although I'd love it if all-y'all could afford healthcare... I acknowledge I have no power or authority to do anything about it. It is clearly outside my area of influence. And, people will believe whatever they want to believe, and go back to their existing neural pathways and repeated thoughts until they themselves choose to change. just like me.

And... any prior blog readers know I'm a proponent and believer in the Law of Attraction. What does this have to do with that? Lots. We each create our own reality. And, by taking care of ourselves First, we get an increasingly cleaner understanding of what we truly require, and we give from our abundance. I know, because it is happening with me personally. I find I'm not interested in accumulating a lot of "stuff", and I'd rather have nicer things, and fewer things around me, than being totally acquisitive. In short, focusing on my own pleasure has caused me, very naturally to live in a more sustainable, healthy, generous way. I'm still very much on this path, and have much to learn, but I can totally tell it is for the best that I am going this way. And anytime someone tries to force my hand, and make me do something out of obligation or guilt, it feels terrible to me, and I've learned to say no to it. I know that my choices are my own. Openly and in freedom. What I give comes from my abundance, not from my perceived need or someone elses need (let's face it... ever have a member of the opposite sex come up to you, and you can "smell" desparation all over them? How good does that feel to receive?)

So really... don't suggest that I should HAVE to subsidize this ineffective solution because people NEEEEED it. What they need is something that will actually work. Prevention. Jobs that serve the individual's life path. Moms who don't wear designer clothes, gold jewelry, and designer bags, and pay their grocery bills with foodstamps.

So, can we get off the bandwagon of believing the "other guy" is "evil" or "stupid" or "racist" or "" and talk about something MORE fun and pleasurable? It's WAY better for our health!!!

and... here are my last few thoughts on the subject...

The continuing Saga of S-Factor

Hi All,

Please feel free to go see this article:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/05/11/DDSF16G9FH.DTL

And, for entertainment, and a mirror into the emotional bias something like S-Factor brings up, take a look at what a San Francisco audience has to say! WOW, a lot of people have issues with something they know nothing about (but think they do!)

of course I had to open my mouth and say something.

And really... the cranky people can stay right where they are... Apparently they ENJOY BEING CRANKY... (and I don't...)

"you can be right or you can be happy"

aaahhh, there's the rub.

I'm holding up a mirror to myself today. I'm asking the question "why?" and finding answers in the oddest places. The New York Times, of all places. An extension of the "nobody listens until they're ready" discussion.

that all of the fluff and thoughts on "why things happen" and my thoughts on gender and societal bias is pretty much going to stop, on this blog and in general... It doesn't really matter if I bring these discussions up or not, and, even though I've long since stopped being upset about most of it, there's still judgement and opinion threaded through that may not be taken terribly well by the reader...

and really, I can drop all of this. I don't need to be an activist in this way, the fever has run its course...

...the best thing I can do is live a life that is good, joyful, and happy, and handle what is in front of me, not in front of everyone else. ... Living within the context of my life, as it is, and letting go of the fight... I just don't have the energy to take this on anymore!

Each person is responsible for their own life, and, releasing all of this energy back to each person to make their own choices without my opinion is the best thing I can do... For me.

acupuncture, yin, yang, and my fluxing nature...

I've been receiving acupuncture lately, and am being presently treated for "excess fire in the stomach"... anyone who knows me should not be surprised by this... I'm also on an herbal supplement to bring this excess heat out of my system, and I'm finding that other things have gone with it...

... like my relentless pursuit of actively going after what I believe I want... which, actually, is a good thing.

I've given in on, given up on, something completely, something that I feel would be fantastic for me, that I believe would be good. Something that requires the cooperation, input, effort, collaboration, and leadership of another person. Something I think would be fun to try out, even if it's just for a test drive.

But there are some tricky things in human nature, like another person's choice, that, even when offered Belgian chocolate for free, some people will smell it like you're trying to poison them. Some simply do prefer something else (someone else will have to fill in the blank here... I got nothin). Some others will question why this thing would be valuable at all. Some will only do it if they discovered it themselves. Some will yell at you for offering them something that might cost them something, like their own Hershey status quo security blanket. Some will send you email articles about the terrible conspiracy of Belgian Chocolate makers with the Bilderbergers to ensure Hershey remains lower quality and waxy (I made that up. The conspiracy, clearly, would be with the Swiss chocolate makers. :) ).

In short, my own judgement about, well, anything, is prettymuch not worth much to other people, unless they actually wanted to listen to what I have to say/feel/think to begin with.

The only thing I, or honestly anyone else, can really do, is to follow my own desires, my own bliss, my own judgement... and, at some point, in the unforseen future, when I'm lucky on things, naysayers come back around.... and act like they discovered Belgian Chocolate all by themselves. Which, really, to them, they have, because ya know, the last time that stuff was totally poisonous.

What I've grown to understand is that no matter what I do, other people will follow their own path. And unfortunately, I can't change their minds or hearts.

And so, in the nature of human desire to share, my peers are limited. Peers with whom I'd gladly share a bowl of M&Ms and discuss the mysteries of the belgian chocolate conspiracy, just for the sheer pleasure of their company, if they'd only try the belgian once in a while and not assume I was in on the conspiracy. Instead, i'm having to choose from among the belgian, french, and swiss chocolate fans, and they're somewhat further apart and fewer in number... and trying to figure out who's less closed-minded.

But I once read a book that said once you learn how to properly play tennis, you can't simply go out and hit the ball anywhichway. There is a more effective way to hit a tennis ball, and that does mean your options on how to hold the racket and hit the ball are fewer than for those with less training.

But when we're not talking about tennis or chocolate, its often very hard to tell which person has had more training. Very hard.

But, right now, what I'm getting is that none of this really matters... If there's no game there's no game... and the best I can do is follow my desire to play, and find more suitable friends to play with.

this comment has been postponed until further notice...

Yes, I most definately have something to say. ooooh yes. Involving the apparent impossibility of avoiding having other people thinking terrible and false things about me and my character, and the negative impact this has had on my life and my perception of myself. But based on today's horoscope:

Friday, Apr 3rd, 2009 -- You won't be able to avoid a confrontation that's right around the corner, yet rushing into it prematurely won't necessarily help. It may be better to let the tension build until it reaches a critical mass on its own. Don't push for resolution today or you might stir up more of a hornet's nest than it's worth. Paradoxically, your intentional avoidance of a troublesome issue can be just as dangerous. Allow feelings to surface naturally without judging any of them as right or wrong.

I think my best bet is to postpone this post. This has come up for me for basically my whole life, and involves several different people pulling this nonsense, so, whats another day or two... its not like they've noticed anyway...

The S... Forget Everything I just Told You

(Dear Reader: Please Disregard Parts 1, 2, & 3, posted prior to this, as None of them have much to do with S-Factor at all...)

www.sfactor.com

I take S-factor because it is my way, my path, into an amazingly deep, full, rich, present, experience with my own divinity. When I dance at the S-studio, I disappear into the music, and become part of the fabric of an irrepeatable experience.

Sheila Kelley describes S-Factor as "Organic Feminine Movement". That, to me, sums it up completely. Through S-factor, it has become abundantly clear to me (a heterosexual woman) how beautiful the body and movement of women are. These women are my sisters. They are each uniquely gifted with different things, and each of us is having our own beautiful experience, evolving our own dance. We witness each others movement, triumphs, and tears.

I have had no experience more closely aligned with Spirit / God / Universe / Zen than I have inside that studio. I have become Light. I have felt a metal pole become wet clay on the suggestion of my teacher. I have danced raw emotion. I have shed deep tears that had been held in my hip flexors for several lifetimes, while in a meditative "Ruby's Pose", to the song Hallelujah (as sung by Rufus Wainwright).

I danced the grief of Woman (with a capital W) to songs like They Dance Alone (Cueca Solo) by Sting and Three Weeks Shy by Jim Boggia. The centuries of ungrieved loss, that resides in our cellular memories, so easily accessible, and so desirous of expression. I dance my ownpersonal ups & downs, and can feel the voice of my body and appreciate Her as something with her own separate expression from my brain. And good god, is she smart and wise and intuitive.

And yes, if another person could be a "fly on the wall" in this experience... if this could be all the things it is in the sacred space of the room that is the studio, and at the same time performed for a group of observers, I'm quite sure that we would each and all blow the observers away... That anything that the observer thought that they were about to see, would evaporate completely, in the presence of what real, living, moving beauty would be present before them.

I once had was graced to coreograph and perform an S-Factor routine for a group of women, as a performance... And the thing is... the coreography was almost entirely improvised, but I created a structure inside which that improvisation could happen... We made the audience cry with the beauty of us. and... quite a few of us were above a size 8.

When S-factor classmates go out for a drink, you will see a variety of ages, sizes, and races, all sitting together, being women. It does not escape me at all that this experience is precisely what would move international relations... if heads of state all took an S-factor session together. As it is, it's so irrelevant that we're "different". the language of dance and of being a woman transcends anything we think we are.

And yes, we are beautiful when we dance, our experience of our own beauty and strength, joy and grief, will turn you on, will mesmorise you, make you scream, sigh, laugh, cheer, and cry... but that's because we are experiencing and dancing raw juicy life.

So, before you dismiss your friend / daughter / sister / wife / colleague for this "thing" she does that you don't understand... Consider that she is quite possibly experiencing grace itself... all under the umbrella of something that some fools may write off as a profane waste of time... consider yourself very blessed to know her. And even moreso if she allows you the privelege of seeing her sacredness.

The S... Part 3

Have I blown your mind yet? Have your paradigms been shattered to bits yet?

Guess what kiddies... if you have ANY negativity about SFactor, especially if you know nothing about it, you are living in a totally outdated paradigm, from my perspective.

I mean really, consider this, SFactor charges $480 for a class that goes on for 8 weeks. Why are women like me paying for this class? What is the value in it, if it is all the nasty, raunchy, base things you heretofore have believed?

how about this... have you ever seen a kid, boy or girl, running in circles with one arm on a subway pole or a railing? WHEEEEEEEEE!! what fun!!!!! (when was the last time you had as much fun as that kid?)

this post is pending... this is the good stuff. but I gotta work...

Oh, and by the way, for anyone who's already here, ya know, gets it, please understand that these posts are for all those people who need to be caught up to what reality looks like to me. Sort of like I was listing the assumptions before I begin a scientific experiment. I haven't even yet gotten to what I wanted to say, at all... but then again, the people who actually need to "get it", and who "don't understand why I do SFactor to begin with", need to be brought up to what reality looks like to me.... otherwise, why would I even be discussing this question at all?

come back later and read more (i am such a tease...)

(P.S.S.,this is why its so hard for me to have normal and effortless conversations... I have to "unpack" and list all the assumptions upfront, because a lot of people aren't living under the same set of assumptions and definitions I am... 3 blog posts of disassembling other people's assumptions to bridge where-they-are to where-i-am before I get to the meat of the topic, what I wanted to say to begin with.)

Explaining the S... Part 2... Societal Bias

(and for those of you "out there" who are a little slow, I'm simply going to refer you back to this post, a year or two from now, when I haven't quit, and you still "don't get it")

S-Factor, more than anything else is a moving meditation, closer kin to taichi than to a strip club. Yes I'm serious.

And... here's a really long way to get to where this gets explained.

See... here's the thing... we do live in what evolved as a "patriarchal" society. That's just what it is, and I don't think we can change the past. And I'm not bringing this up because I'm angry or upset about it (and I'm sure someone out there is going to bring up the word "feminazi" simply because it is SO SCARY that there might BE another, different point of view... a variation on the paradigm you've been living in, ohhh... for about 5000 years... and if you want to know who you are (proof that you are living in that old paradigm): right about now your eyes are glossing over...on the other hand, if you're getting pissed off at me saying this, there is hope for you, you're going to wake up sooner...).

If you're looking for the proof of the patriarchal nature of western society, that would be a whole 'nuther blog post (or twenty) and a bunch of books that I'd hand you to read. Suffice it to say, the 'gender-neutral' in pronouns, and in the gender of an infinite being, aka "God" (which therefore has no gender unless it has both genders...) is male. If you want to take up this discussion with me, ask for another post. Next...

As a result of this societal earth-is-flat bias (sort of a social determinism...or an experimenter's bias... something from a basic chemistry class comes to mind here... as do Schroedinger and Heisenberg (and then I start thinking that really its no accident the faith healer Bruno Groening was around at the same time...and was German...as when the quantum physics - thang was going on... but I very much digress...) ) the body of a woman, her natural-born gifts of curves, curls, wiggles, and giggles, is basically seen as profane. Without even trying to attract or seduce. A 4-year-old-girl is asked to "cover up" her top (no different than the boys tops at that point) at a public pool because some grown-ups are uncomfortable... that 4-year-old girl gets the clear message she is Different. Set-apart. the message is, her body isn't good enough. And Why is a woman's body considered profane? because the people who are making the rules are turned on by it (and ya gotta teach 'em young... right? nip that in the bud.). Without her making an effort to do so. The power of a woman's body to turn-on, to attract, is SO powerful... her light has to be covered up under a bushel basket (or a burka)... Because a woman can cause car accidents Just by feeling good about herself and walking down the street.

But I hear men of all ages, "loving fathers", say they are going to lock up their daughters until they are 30. The message is, it's the girl's fault that boys and men respond to her. The sin of Eve, played out all over again. And that somehow, it is "supposed" to be controlled by men. That she, because she is a woman, is never, ever going to be good enough.

The power contained within a woman is seen (by men) as overwhelming and "out of control" unless, that is, someone (a man) is in control of it... News Flash: it is far better to have the woman, and the girl, be in control of her own power.

So here we are, in 2009, and the attitude towards womens bodies is still split. Either you are a whore or you are a virgin. There's little middle ground, unless you are a socially-acceptable mother. And your men want to PROTECT you from other men at all costs. Because, of course THEY know how DANGEROUS men are. So its the daughters who have curfews, get put under burkas,... and end up not owning their own bodies. Not out of their own selves, but out of an overdeveloped FEAR in the bodies and hearts of their men. End up hating themselves, thinking they are ugly (that one was mine for about 30 years...), or destroying themselves through eating disorders to meet an ideal, one that was set up by men.

Women's bodies are not profane. Our curves, our lust for life may bring you to your knees, but that is just who we are. And its a good thing womens bodies are designed to attract too, otherwise you-all would have completely descended into a world filled with detatched non-interaction as you all sit at computers, televisions, comic books, and spreadsheets and books, and forget to go out into the sun and have fun. You'd spend all your days playing XBox and Wii and ordering pizza. Unless you're at war, or a football player. (yes, I'm exaggerating!!!)

what I'm saying is your assumptions about women, about protecting women, about the seductive nature of women, is skewed, by the fact that this culture is built on the belief that God is a man. And therefore, we women-folk, are secondarily derived creatures, simply because we're not men.

In the words of Jessica Rabbit, "I can't help it, its just the way I'm drawn." damn straight, girlie.

Again... your assumptions are skewed. Not completely wrong, but skewed.

and really... how fucked up is it that WOMEN have to be limited and protected because MEN are "dangerous"? Have men grow up and have some self control instead! Duhhh....

(and if you're looking for yet another extreme point on the "acceptability" of this type of behavior by men, consider this: http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2009-04-04-afghanistan-law_N.htm I get the feeling there are going to be a lot of women with "headaches" in Afghanistan!!!)

So...all that brings us to SFactor, as I see it. please page forward to Part 3...

Explaining The S... Part 1... The NOT-Whys

http://www.sfactor.com/

As some of you may know, I take pole dancing classes.

And, I've found, a lot of you have absolutely no comprehension as to why... and your guesses as to "why" on the matter of these classes seem really, really, bad... and the reason I say this, is because there are a lot of you-all who won't even discuss about it with me, but will make jokes about it in the distance. (Which tells me that you think I'm some kind of bizzare freak or something... )

First, I'm NOT taking pole dancing classes to be "subservient to men" (yes, someone made that comment)... In fact... men aren't even allowed in the studio.

Second, I'm NOT taking pole dancing classes to learn to be seductive to anyone else (seducing myself is another matter entirely)

Third, I'm NOT taking pole dancing as a means of rebelling against an overly-constrictive upbringing.

Fourth, I'm NOT looking for "a second career"

Fifth, I'm not doing this for you, or for anyone else. (I'm doing this for me.)

Sixth, I'm NOT doing this because I'm some kind of freak.

Now that this is all cleared up (and really, if you can think of any other really bad reasons you think I'm taking this class, feel free to send them, so I can tell you, no, that's not the reason either!)

Now... for part 2...

my letter written and sent to the Chief Rabbi of Great Britain, upon completely reading is excellent book

Dear Sir Sacks,

I was blessed to recently read a copy of The Dignity Of Difference, and I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated it. I am grateful for your mind, and for your ability to express yourself in a way that truly conveys what the issues are that are important for all of us in an increasingly interrelated world.

I am writing to you from the United States, and am a highly intelligent woman, an engineer, single, heterosexual, raised in a Republican home (now Libertarian in my political views), raised-Roman Catholic but now consider myself as not having a specific religion, because none of them really "fit" me, and I do see truth in all of them.

I would like to share my thoughts with you on a topic directly related to your book. I think that the covenant agreements as they presently exist are to be questioned, revitalized and revised to match the truth of who people are, irrespective of gender or age, and to also to include within the agreements that these covenants are open to revision as individuals grow and develop.

The covenant agreements as they are made today are more often than not made between parties who do not consider themselves equitable. For example, parents create a life based on their own perspectives and "traditions" that may not "fit" the identity of the child, and may create a circumstance where a child grows up with a severe identity crisis because of the parent's own limited world view. Also the contract between man and woman in marriage, the man is seen as the leader under a traditional value system, but that the "male breadwinner"/"female caregiver" role has largely disintegrated, and frankly, the woman may be more capable as the economics of industry has turned away from muscle-based labor as its driving forces. Personally the thought of being cherished and treated as a more traditional woman by a man who is more capable in the world than I am is a very welcome idea, but, given my God-given talents and the service I offer to my professional clients, I suspect the relationship I will create with my man may involve aspects which may be somewhat less "traditional".

It has been my observation that the preservation of the dignity of difference of which you speak exists not only between cultures, but between the genders within one culture as well. The role of women in all of the major religious and non-religious cultures in this world is subjected to the subjugation of their opinions and beliefs based on gender. When reading your book, I kept seeing reflected that "every woman is like a jew"... a group of people that is different but lives in direct relationship to all cultures on the planet. And intelligent women of history who carried the culture of women have been condemned as witches and killed for the fear of their wisdom. Women, in recent historically have also been set against one another most often as competitors rather than having a shared culture, and our culturally approved identity absorbed by the dominant (male) culture in which we live... and the "carrot" of what "should" be our "goals" as women (as established by the media, in the absence of an alternate view) set so far out as to be frustrating and unachievable... In short, there is presently no equivalent state of Israel for women, and no Torah, either in virtual-space or physical.

It is clear to me that the issues of women and of real gender equity is essential and inseparable to the global cultural dialogue of which you speak! I completely agree with you that a more localized perspective, and a respect for the role of religion, faith, and family play in the development of personal identity, however, when the sub-set of woman in all cultures is still consistently treated as a minority party of each culture, the dialogue between varying cultures will continue to be contentious. Women are a subset of all cultural groups, and sometimes a majority in population, and yet, all over this world women are bullyied, beheaded, and belittled in the interest of keeping a "culture" to its "fundamental" or "religious" perspectives.

For example, men are chosen as world leaders, but can't leave their house without their wife's assistance at matching their socks... And yet when a woman offers her qualified opinion to her man on work or financial matters, he will often reject it or ignore it or feel like she's not treating him "like a man". But consider this -- how well are men doing with the job of leading nations? Might not a woman's hand in things be of great assistance?

I've often seen this in my work as a lead electrical engineer on projects. Men (particularly older men) who are working on my projects will disregard my comments, but say to me "yes, yes, I reviewed it I'm taking care of it", and persist in doing things "their way" until they hear the very same comment from someone else who is a man, or until I exert my authority a second or third time. I've learned that I must address this without anger, although having my company authorized role and my engineering judgement, ignored and disregarded does feel very personal.

For the past few years, I have been a student of women, men, relationships, and myself, and have reclaimed a more feminine life, after having being raised to think more like a "man" than as a woman. I have forgiven, and continue to forgive, the "traditional" world-view that led me to feel like the identity of who I am was stuffed into a box. The irony is, the part of me that got devalued was the feminine part. I am personally doing the very work of which you talk in your book on a personal level, of forgiving, of remaining open in conversation and moving into my own wholeness.

The only way I personally have been able to come to a sense of centered-ness when dealing with "traditional (male) values (both contractural and covenantial)" was within a group of women that I've found, where we have created our own sub-culture that is focused on the creation of the life each of us individually desires through the spiritual practice of pleasure, receiving, and joy (http://www.mamagenas.com/) and also the art of returning to and honoring the organic feminine movement and shape of living in a woman's body (http://www.sfactor.com/ I'm pleased to say we have classes in the synagogue across the street from the main studio as well!). These groups feel like both a contract and a covenant relationship with these women, and it changes and metamorphosizes regularly. It is made up of women of varied cultural backgrounds (although I do have to say there are more liberals than conservatives within these groups!). As a result my consistent associations with other women, I can now look again at the Roman Catholicism I was raised with and recognize more of its gifts, and not lose my identity in the process.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I truly enjoyed your book, and will be looking up your work online to read more of it. I truly would love to read your own perspective on the role of women as it relates to and is in parallel to and integral with this cultural identity evolution we are going through... And I suspect it will be women who are most involved in creating this conversation, because we've been dealing with these issues for the whole of our lives when dealing with the cultures of men, as it is also women whose wills are subjugated by force in the interest of fundamentalism and the preservation of a so-called "culture". The evolution of culture and the Dignity of Difference which you speak will be best accomplished when men and women can appreciate and value this within their own homes, with individuals we sleep under the same roof with, in conjunction with the mutual understanding and giving value to vastly different cultures from our own.

people do what people do...

Hangers.

Wire hangers from the dry cleaner...
wooden hangers from someplace expensive...
nice plastic/metal hangers from a department store that came with the suit...
plastic hangers purchased in bunches from kmart...
lingere hangers with poofy satin...

they all do the same thing, but, in my opinion, some are nicer than others!
and some more appropriate than others for hanging up coats.

there's a closet at my office where coats can be hung up if desired. Inside, there was about a dozen cheapie beat up wire hangers from somebody's dry cleaning, and a couple of nice hangers.

I felt a bit guilty when I took up a nice hanger, thinking it was like a guest hanger or something... but it didn't stop me from doing it.

So, as I have an excess of totally reasonable plastic hangers at home (and a few department store hangers) I donated a few to my office closet a few months ago. Now, there are plenty of sturdy hangers to put a midwinter coat on. I thought that at some point someone would pitch the cheapie wire hangers, as clearly, the hangers have been upgraded.

Know what?

there are people still using... Choosing of their own free will, the less sturdy, less pretty wire hangers... with nice sturdy plastic hangers sitting right nearby and empty, and the guest hangers sometimes empty, sometimes full, like "employee of the month" parking spots at a company.

I find this funny, and very educational. I don't know why people pick the wire hanger, and its possible they're not even thinking about it, but they've been using a wire hanger for 52 years (dammit) and they're not going to upgrade because, bygosh, the wire hanger was good enough before and its good enough now.

but you can't really suggest that they switch to a different hanger without bearing resemblance to Joan Crawford. So, its best to leave it as it is.

(besides, as I've found out both as the receiver of unwanted suggestions, and the giver of unwanted suggestions... the receiver can be quite often insulted that you think they arent already making the best available choice... or can feel like the giver is telling the receiver what to do, when they're just suggesting an alternative... and for a stupid wire hanger it's really not worth the trouble!)

Please feel free to take this as a metaphor for any habit -- a joyless life, talking about cranky things you have no control over (like the people who send you cranky emails, or who use cheapie hangers when better ones are available), or... happyness and abundance.

Of course if you really do want the wire hanger (and why not, you picked it...) who am I to say its wrong?

This is Great...

Someone's gotten it. My goddess, someone's really gotten it.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,490690,00.html

http://www.thepinkchaddicampaign.blogspot.com/

I am at the feet of these women... this is so perfect.

an act of organized uber-fluffy, uber-girlie revolutionariness to protest against a violent act against women.

I am doing a happydance right now for this!

Have to get this out of my system...

Do you remember those little girls in elementary school who would tease, pick on, and gossip and spread lies about other little girls so that they'd somehow be "more popular"?

well, somehow these bitchy whiney little girls have grown up to be old cranky right-wing men. I get more spam and lie-ridden emails from republicans than I do from democrats. And I go back and do my best to fact-check them all (which is a total waste of my time, because, true or false, these emails don't add anything to my life but aggrevation). I go on http://www.snopes.com/ to root it out, but today I've just about had enough.

(if you're interested, the latest email is the one where ollie north tells everyone during the iran contra hearings that he installed a 60K home security system to protect his family against osama bin laden)

Do they do it to get attention? are they pissed that their candidate didn't win the election? are they grumpy about the bailout?

yes, probably.

but if you were a grown-up, and you were a parent or teacher to one of those little girls, what would you think?

and really. Does it make a person's case look better or worse for sending emails that are filled with lies? Such nice church-going folk. Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Go back to sunday school, you need a refresher.

(P.S... I got a response from the spamming nutjob who is parading as a sane, rational person... in a pitiful attempt at his own self-defense, he points out that snopes.com (with all of its footnoting and fact checking) could be false too. Yes dumba$$, that would be my point to begin with. Why did you send out the inflammatory and false email IN THE FIRST PLACE. See, there really is no need for a vast left-wing conspiracy... fearful right-wingers are doing a damn good job at making themselves look totally irrelevant and careless and the-sky-is-falling.)


P.P.S.... and then, she hears about a (muslim) man in Buffalo New York who has been charged with beheading his wife (who had filed for divorce.. and indicated domestic violence). And thinks that the statement of the obvious dangers of self-serving stupidity cannot be underlined any further than in this news story. I rest my case.

Survival Skills during the Financial Storm…

Here are my list of ideas of maintaining my sanity and my sense of living a life of abundance, which, in particular, are coming in handy during the recent seeming unpleasantness of the financial whirlwind we-all are finding ourselves in…

First, I have to say that I don't think that we're going to come out of this the same as we went into it. I think that we've gotten a HUMUNGOUS wake-up call that the end of the era of the "Conqueror" and "World Superpowers" is upon us. The world is Way too interconnected to think that you can one-up your neighbor anymore, without consequences to yourself. I think the best thing to do is get used to knowing that our whole life is fundamentally changing for the better. And we are, right now, in the birth pains of this transition.

Feel free to respond with your own ideas...

1. Enjoy things that are Priceless…

Invite friends over for a potluck dinner and board games night.
Pet your animal and give it a really good brushing.
Babysit your friends kids (or your own) for free.
Take a bath.
Slow dance your love in your living room.

2. Take advantage of having a network of friends…
Learn something new that’s on your “to do” list… and swap skills rather than pay for them. There’s even a website devoted to this: http://www.skillbound.com/ where you can extend your network to take this on. Brilliant.
Trade time with your friends – “Babysit” each other if you have difficulty getting motivated doing things like, de-cluttering. It’s easier to make decisions on things you don’t have an emotional attachment to.

3. Focus on what you HAVE that is GOOD.

Spend as little time as is possible focusing on the “Problems”… whether its fear, or lack, or whatever it might be. Focusing on the “problems” merely amplifies them, according to the “Law of Attraction” – It’s the old “punchbuggy” game you played on the bus with your friends going to school.. You’ll see VW bugs EVERYWHERE for the next few days after playing this game. Stop reading the news that tells you about all the terrible things happening to other people. Really… AND DON’T SHARE THESE NEGATIVE THINGS WITH ME. I already know about them if they're all over the news. People can be awful. I’ll deal with it if it happens to me. If its not funny, don’t tell me about it.

4. Be Generous.

If your friends are in a place of real need, extend a helping hand where you can… Not so much that you put yourself into a sinkhole, but give from what you have in abundance.

Donate your time to a worthy cause if you find you have more time than you did a few months ago.

Meditate and pray for your loved ones, your friends, and your foes. We really are all in this together.

5. Be Smart, Creative, Flexible

The "problems" cannot be solved by thinking of solutions in the same place we were when we created them. Everybody hears that and knows that, but we've entered a place where a lot of people are truly panicking and sad and forgot that anyone ever said that. Think of how you can learn from this. Take a thorough and calm eye to your life and what you've accumulated and ask what you can do differently, right now.

Do you need cable and internet at home? What about the gym membership? What routine expenses can you let go of? Can you take in a boarder or roommate? Can you reduce the temperature on your water heater just a bit?

6. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Really. This is not the time to be a hoarder. If you have something you're not using (like 3 lifetimes supplies of paperclips), give it up as an offering to the Gods of Chaos that are consuming resources. Secondhand manufactured products are going to be relatively more valuable than they were a little while ago, because money is in shorter supply. Declutter. Sell your books back to Strand (or whoever). Donate what you don't need. Have a tag sale or stoop sale (they are sure to come back in vogue this summer) . Take advantage of freecycle, craigslist, your local flea markets, and your friends. Oh yes, and declutter emotionally too! Release and forgive all your ex-boy/girl friends, your 7th grade teacher, and that bully who used to step on your shoes. Give it up. It's over. We are surrounded by STUFF. Most of which we don't really enjoy very much. Get organized, bit by little bit if necessary.

Oh yes. and its a good time to learn to say NO to any events or obligations or activities or conversations you don't enjoy. Declutter that stuff too.

AND... act locally, think globally. Buying locally manufactured products & foods and keeping things out of the waste stream makes a lot of sense now. Think about the impact for more than just yourself when you're making choices. And really... take vacations in your own country rather than travelling overseas.

7. Cheap Eats

Lentils are ridiculously cheap and tasty. I suggest boiling brown lentils with whole garlic cloves and dried porcini mushrooms over egg noodles. Buy the cheap cut of chicken and make Coq Au Vin (that's what the recipe was designed for to begin with... the cheap cut of chicken). Enjoy Chef Boyardee with a glass of good wine. Canned tomato soup tastes great with a little polenta stirred into it. Make beef stew. Break out the recipe books and look for ideas. Plant a garden, or make good friends with that person you know who will have way too many zucchini and tomatoes come spring.

8. If you have the money and honestly want something, or want to do something, don't be afraid to spend.

Well, stimulating the economy is a good idea, isn't it? If you have the coin, there is a sale going on right now on ____(fill in the blank)_____) This state of being won't go on forever, you know.

9. Seek out whatever you can to find pleasure in the circumstances you find yourself in. If you can't find joy, pick the best feeling that you can feel right now... Even if that means something closer to sadness... and then from there, do it again. Like climbing up a hill, one step at a time.

10. When all else fails -- Laugh. You don't have control of any of what's going on, and nobody else does either.

P.S... I know some of you out there are going to think I'm living inside a happy delusional pink bubble. I'm OK with that. You can think that. (P.S. Bubbles float.) Maybe its because I used to spend WAY too much time panicking and worrying about a lot of things, and have found out it was a lousy way to live... and generally panicking made me less able to have a positive, lasting impact on my surroundings. I'll take my happy bubble, thanks... So glad you're doing all the worrying so I don't have to...

That's it, I've cracked...

Yes, its true.

Something inside me looked around at the artificial deadlines, the racing towards... towards what, exactly???

...and popped.

And I think it might be permanent.

The way we "do things" doesn't work anymore. No, Really. Think about it. We're carrying baggage from a lot of old "ways of doing stuff" that just simply isn't a good fit to where we are right now...

I had an old college mate ask me if we really do still print mylars / use paper when we send out drawings. We do. We kill trees. And we really do fight with MYLAR sometimes. But that's mostly for government agencies.

Alternate? One of my colleagues just received a memory key in the mail with an entire catalog of manholes on it. Not a paper brick that can fall off a cube divider and kill someone with ninja papercuts and a blunt hit to the skull.... A memory key. Mailed with a regular stamp (whatsit now, $0.41?)

My first computer didn't have a hard drive. My first PC, hand-assembled by my dad and my cousin, had less than 3% of the storage capacity than on a standard CD-R disc, available at any CVS drugstore for a couple of bucks...maybe.... in a multi-pack.

When I was in middle school, my english teacher wouldn't let me use my PC (that's personal computer) to word-process and print out my essays, because it gave me an "unfair advantage over the other kids". In my one act of rebellion in all of my then-years, I typed and word processed my papers and wrote them out longhand. Go ahead Mrs. Miller, take my grade back. I dare ya.

When I was graduating from high school, one of my honor-roll classmates asked for my recommendation if she should get a PC or a word processor as a gift from her parents for college. I said a PC, and that it was much more useful. She asked for a word processor. To this day I don't know why.

When I was in college the web had just started becoming something worth considering, and email had become common, at least for us. That same word-processing friend indicated a bit of dismay at my tackyness when I did a "form letter" to my non-emailing friends as an update to them all on what I was doing with myself, mailing out copies to them all (at $0.29 I think) because they didn't have email in college. I was also editing video using an analog dubbing deck system, after recording it on VHS tape (SVHS if I was very very lucky). And in my senior year I purchased at great expense something called a "floptical" or something like that, to store larger quantities of data on what was basically a rewriteable CD.

I'm 35 years old and having the "when I was your age" conversations with people who are 28. Seriously, what is With THAT???

People used to send each other love letters. In the mail. People used to go check their answering machines at home, and maybe anticipate a fun phonecall from a friend. Now, there's emails, text messages, cell phones, blogs, and social networking sites. And yet, I owe an old friend a phonecall from his call to me early last week, and to sit down and make that call? (Have I done it? noooo... Joe, I will call very soon....) I've taken to sending mass-texts on my phone to invite people out at 6pm to do something at 7pm. (it is new york after all)

"Feeling screwed up at a screwed up time in a screwed up place does not necessarily make you screwed up." (-- Mark Hunter in Pump Up The Volume) I think its time to eat my cereal with a fork and do my homework in the dark.

And still, companies still insist on dragging vendors from picket to post, to call on firms, but not answer questions expediently (or properly), and clients need answers at the speed of light... ON MYLAR. Come on... really... Mylar? Why? get us to send you the PDF file, to scale, and send them digitally hither & yon to your heart's content!

I am nostalgic for my books, but those are heading the way of cassette tapes, mark my words. My dad, ever the futurist (who built the first microwave probably in the whole TOWN, and built the computer, and, and, and...) is now hot on his Kindle.... and still has stacks of old books and magazines.

So, my point is, DeClutter. Declutter your home, and your business practices. There's a lot of dead weight hanging around that really is unneccessary. If it isn't nostalgic to you, by all means, GET RID OF IT. Sell it on Ebay to someone it is nostalgic to. Really, you're going to need the money in your Pay Pal account to upgrade to the next whizbang thing that will come out next year that you didn't even know you needed, but will suddenly become essential.. Hell, my Ipod is already obsolete...

I know what this is, the darwinistic evolution of the species known as technology!

No, actually my point is, life is moving pretty freaking FREAKING fast now, and that doesn't mean we've evolved. Utilize technology, but do it efficiently.

Or maybe my point is to find out who's recycling electronic components and buy stock in their company.

Actually I don't know what my point is.

Nevermind the Environment, It's The Economy, Stupid!

(somebody has to say it!!)

I'm reminded of the scene in Ang Lee's "Sense and Sensibility" where Col. Brandon marries Marianne Dashwood, and the Coloniel throws gold coins to the cheering mass of well-wishers.

What? I thought this was about the Economy?

Oh yes. It is. Work with me, it's my blog and I can say what I like.

Here we are, as a country, embarking on a new adventure. A brand-new President, all huzzah-ed and popular, and everyone (i'm generalizing) is feeling REALLY GREAT about this brand new world we're stepping into.

...And anticipating the sweet sound of cha-CHING! that happens (just like that scene in Sense and Sensibility) when something Big happens. The brand new new deal. I pronounce thee, Mr. President. Leader of the Free World. Dispenser of Funding for REALLY important projects.

Let me tell you what is probably happening.

All over our fair nation, city, state, and federal agencies are dusting off projects that are "done" and making sure they are "shovel-ready" to propose when the moneybags open. Because when those moneybags open, you'd better be goddamn good and ready to bid that fucker for construction. Because those are the projects that will get funded...if not, the press will have a field-day with "well, we HAVE all this money, why aren't we SPENDING it?" (ala the energy conservation measures Bush promised the last time he was elected) .

Let me let you in on a secret: Projects don't get designed unless somebody somewhere has an idea that they'll be funded. Otherwise, why put pencil to paper (ok mouse to... mousepad) and design something you won't get paid to design?

P.S.? New projects take time to design. A lot. And everybody comments on this stuff. But nobody out in "the real world" sees that time. They just notice when they're stuck in traffic because a construction crew is tearing up roads and scratching their butts.

Which means??? That it is projects that were put on the shelf that are going to be funded. And possibly more-worthy projects who are like the biblical virgins who let their lamps go out will not be chosen when the bridegroom comes through (it doesn't matter HOW long the virgins have had to wait for the bridegroom... that oil had better still be burning).

Nor will the projects be chosen which are being re-done for more energy conservation measures... Why? Because conservation measures cost money, so if it's NOT required and there's no obvious economic benefit, its not going to be designed...SO, these projects aren't sitting around on shelves to be picked. And to go to "green design" paradigm from standard engineering design is like changing from thinking like a man to thinking like a woman. You can't simply flip a switch and it's done. Designing a building as a green building requires a different kind of thinking. A holistic thinking, that, unless that choice to go green is made up-front, long before "shovel-ready", duct-taping green-stuff on later doesn't happen efficiently and doesn't work anywhere the way its supposed to. We're dealing with Frankenstein-green projects...

And because the press doesn't know squat and they love to make politicians look bad, and they will WHINE that "Nothing's being done!!!" and somehow the general public actually believes them, and the general population doesn't understand that you can't just buy a highway, and an engineering firm pulls it down off the shelf and hands it to the client... Well..it'll be projects that the politicians can be certain will be ready to roll, because politicians want to be elected by the general population who presumably listen to the news (because how Else do you find out what's going on?).

And now, you see what projects are going to be funded. Where does money tossed to the throngs go, exactly??

Did we really need that road?

If it was so important, right now, why didn't we have money for it to begin with?

If we're creating opportunity and more energy efficient design... YOU HAVE TO FUND THE DESIGN, NOT JUST THE CONSTRUCTION. But hell, engineering isn't as sexy as construction. When was the last time you saw engineers on a beefcake calendar?

And still...ya gotta stand with your hands out, ready for that cha-Ching. Because you KNOW it's coming, and you're happy that someone, somewhere, will be kept from being laid off. And you hope it's you.

Where is our brave new world coming from?

Where are we going, peeps?

1/14... PS! Someone else said it too!! Apparently I'm as smart as people who work at think tanks!!!
Commentary: Obama must get infrastructure investment right
http://www.mcclatchydc.com/homepage/story/59659.html