They're Ripping Up Wall Street

Wall Street (from Broad to Williams) and Broad Street (in front of the Exchange), are currently under construction. Literally.

I cannot but wonder of & at the feng shui / metaphysical / metaphorical implications of this. I'm sure part of the project is for security measures as they've been doing in this neighborhood for some time, but it looks like infrastructure (piping and conduit and such) is being handled or replaced at the same time... foot traffic (energy flow) is being hampered through the streets leading to/from the exchange's front door.

What happens when you relocate a plant or drop a pair of shoes in the entrance hallway? you bump into it or trip over it... why wouldn't energy (chi) do the same with this???

Desires 9.26.08

I desire a fantastic umbrella Compact, pretty (like my Parisian tourist umbrella), and very able to handle the wind gusts on NYC and Paris streets!
I desire really great galoshes!I desire to swim with dolphins!
I desire a silver engraved nameplate with black lettering for my cubicle (I already have the holder) 8"x2"x0.0625"I desire to go snorkeling during an adventure on an amazing sailboat in the carribean
I desire to become completely fluent in French.
I desire to cruise the Greek Isles!
I desire to be treated to dinner at Chez Napoleon, and have a fantastic conversation with the Chef Grand-mere!
I desire to wrap my Beloved around my finger!
I desire to be treated to dinner at Candle 79! Complete with all courses, including, especially what weve nicknamed the "chocolate orgasm cake"
I desire a really sweet ride a limousine, or Rolls Royce, or a Jaguar, or a great convertible, to provide transportation to and from my home and hotel for the Professional Engineering (PE) exam.
I desire next year to take the PE exam once and pass it, becoming a P.E., and having my very own seal!
I desire this year to take the LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) exam once and pass it, becoming a LEED Accredited Professional!
I desire great new hair accessories, especially the big metal hair pins with the jewels on top.
I desire diamonds!
I desire the gift of a new juicy IPod with a huge capacity.
I desire everything else I require for Movie Nights, including a new table for the new TV and a new rack for my components (mission-style with honey-oak finish), to be delivered to my apartment effortlessly!

Consciousness

I was just reading an article about what happens when we die / out-of-body experiences and, I just have to say YES.

The Newtonian framework of Universe is melting away... except, quite literally and three-dimensionally, a figment of our collective imagination. Quantum Physics, the Zero-point field, whateveryouwanttocallit... GUESS WHAT KIDS??? This shit is real.

"Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven." -- Jesus (via Matt 18:18)

"Is it not written in your law, 'I said, "You are gods"'? -- Jesus (via John 10:34)

(they killed this guy, Jesus, because HE FIGURED THIS OUT. I'm not meaning to turn the faith of anyone, because ALL faiths by whatever name have their saints that have done so-called miracles.)

Seriously. I mean it, and I live it. And it takes a change in mindset that is honestly not easy (for me) to truly experience this. and there's a lot of tripping and falling and "what am I doing" that comes with this adventure...

and while most of the planet still "believes" in a 3-d reality... its kind of a greased pig to try to "prove" it to a skeptic. But has anyone Not had an experience that was just simply "unexplainable"? But its kind of funny to me that, if you accept that consciousness affects your reality, that you have to accept that a skeptic creates their own reality as well... So, Duh. Of course you can't prove it.

I have a friend of mine that lives this, and has referred to himself as "Murphy's Illegitimate Child"... he has more things 'happen' to him when he travels than the average traveller. It gives him great stories to tell, and he does look on the bright side of the tale, because he usually gets all kinds of freebies and upgrades. It's his choice to have this kind of travel experience. (It isn't mine...)

Your beliefs, which are thoughts tied up with feelings and repetition, are what are controlling your world. Change your feelings. Pick the best feeling you can feel right now. Repeat as needed. Be gentle with yourself, as it takes effort to change this. Pick a delicious mantra and repeat it, repeat it, repeat it... You're already creating your reality. Wanna pick something new? Better? Happier? JUST DO IT.

Does anyone out there Not know that there's a whole LOT of empty space in the object we call a "table" between the protons and electrons? Think about it... there's a lot more empty space than there are filled spaces... But its good that we believe that tables are solid, otherwise we'd be eating dinner on the... nevermind... no need to disassemble earth too... or ourselves...

The world is not what it appears to be. Your consciousness directly affects your experiences in ways that explains synchronicity, esp, remote viewing, shamanism, healing with prayer, and the law of attraction... and so very much more.

And? When you look at things like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle... science already gets this. Don't go to psychics unless you feel like changing the outcome. "The more you tighten your grip, Vader, the more star systems will slip through your fingers." -- Princess Leia. Smart girl. We all are our own Darth Vaders... Watch Star Wars (All 6 episodes) and pay attention to Anakin. What Yoda says to him about detatchment. About his choices. It's all the same thing, kids.

Science and Philosophy / Faith / Metaphysics are NOT that far apart (i hesitate to say that they are different, really, at all). And they're still both "maps" of a territory that we can't completely wrap words around, no matter how much we try to.

Pick a flower, shake a star.

Woo woo!!!!!

Six Quirky Things About Me

OK, so Catie "tagged" me to do this, only, I don't follow enough blogs to tag anybody (and they pretty much all know Catie...) so, here goes:

1. I like guys who have interesting noses. Always have. There's something so appealing about an interesting nose! And usually I don't realize he had me at the nose, but then afterwards I look and think. "Nose. Nice nose." And I've been told I have a perfect nose, that should be in a nose gallery for use in sculptures.

2. I look at words and start to think "Is that how its really spelled?" like my brain slows down and re-reads a word letter by letter and wonders who decided to spell it that way and why.

3. I can find spelling errors on a technical drawing without reading the page, at all. I can smell spelling mistakes like a fart in a car. My eyes fuzz and I can take in the whole page and zero in on mistakes. Except when I get stuck in quirky item #2.

4. I constantly have things going on in my head. I function better when I have two active tasks (one can be listening to music) because the hampster running around in my head has something to dance to, and won't go off looking for something else to do. If not, I think something else in queue #2, and forget, completely, what I was doing in queue #1 and why it was important. I'll stand next to my dining table, after coming from my bedroom, and have NO IDEA why I'm there. And that's not a long walk.

5. I talk to trees, and they talk back. (Try it sometime.) They're quite wise, and think we humans ask silly questions... but they like the company, as they're so often ignored by us.

6. I take pole dancing classes. That's not the quirky part. The quirky part is I don't think taking pole dancing classes is all that quirky.

"Mama May I?"

I'm getting this out of my system...

So, The Queen has chosen that without re-taking her class, I'm not to return to the online community...

and I'm good with that.

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I know I'm in the right place at the right time, I know, thanks to asking for permission, that- guess what- I don't need to ask for permission...

and in the email back to me, the word sisterarchy was used... and I thought, "huh, that's a new one" Matriarchy, Patriarchy, hierarchy, ... ok ... sisterarchy (rather than sororarchy, which just has too many r's in it). And I don't know if this is now a word-part of this organization or not, but I doubt that it was made up by the person sending the email. SO, I did some thinking.

I looked up "hierarchy" on dictionary.com (convenient and excellent website) and found that the roots are "hieros" (sacred) and "archein" (rule and order).... so, now, in sisterarchy someone has coined...a Something... that's supposed to be... well what? One would think that this would be a "rule and order" of "sisters"... hmmm... but the funny thing is... this group is ironically, and supposedly, not about playing by the rules. Its in trusting yourself. Your inner wisdom.

Its about dancing to my own tune. To my own inner order... which, I am doing. Even when that inner order leads me into chaos.

anyway the whole thing seems totally ironic to me. and then to call something that was supposedly boundless a sisterarchy... thereby creating something under Rule and Order. i mean, Yech. It changes NOTHING. All the talk about Revolution... it ain't a revolution unless it really is a revolution... otherwise its just a changing of the guard... and that will get us nowhere.

I am a little cranky because I really wanted this group to be something where change truly occurs. The kind of change that does up-end "how things are done" for the betterment of all... but changing my place within the same-old-same-old is only going to be of use to the individual... the fundamental shift has gone missing in this cauldron. The ingredient of chaos just got left out of the soup.

but, I no longer am looking for the affirmation.

And I'm no longer looking for permission.

So, it really doesn't matter.

(If you are paying attention, consider it a gift from me that I didn't turn in the class' CDs in to ASCAP...I do try to not Be the hand of Fate. let the wheel turn as it will.)

Age?

When.Did.This.Happen?

???

I'm turning 35 tomorrow.

and, I've always loved my birthday. But I'm just not feeling it today.

At the moment, when I'm feeling like I haven't DONE anything really for myself for my birthday, and am torn between wanting to go hide under a rock for a while and wanting to be surrounded by loving friends.. I...

what is going on???

I'm tired of my email inboxes. Tired of the STUFF I'm surrounded by, tired of the things I want to do and be that I haven't done, and all the things I'm supposed to be doing....

I feel... my age. Like I'm looking at myself and thinking about all of the stupid things that go on from day to day. Of the meetings that when you're done you ask "What, exactly, was that For?"

I feel a deep desire to purge. And I mean without caring whether I get a receipt from the Salvation Army purge. Just get RID of stuff. Oh for a dumpster parked out in front of my house again. Like my life, and the stuff in it, just doesn't fit me anymore, and that its time for it to GO.

Is this an Equinox thing? a birthday thing? a Summer-to-Fall-to-Winter thing? a "someone else is driving me crazy" thing? I HAVE NO IDEA.

but its time. and tomorrow is recycling day. there will be a big-ass pile of magazines out in front of my apartment waiting for pick up.

Women and Courage Conference 9/12 - 9/14 .. my reflections

from my notes --

Nitric Oxide is the biochemistry of joy, orgasm, and the white light seen at death (...) Joy doesn't mean nothing bad will ever happen(...)feminine energy sucks in and repairs everything around it (...) let yourself be excited. Don't put off your life(...) You are what the Divine wanted to experience. --- Dr. Christiane Northrup

The kind of leadership that nurtures, empowers, protects is the form of leadership that we are going to need going forward (...) how do I foster change without betraying my essential self (...) it is a confusing time and it is okay to be confused (...) allow yourself to be a participant in the evolution of human consciousness and the creation of a new myth (...) the Mamisima --- Elizabeth Lesser

We are the birthers of humanity. --- Queen Afua

The world is separated into facts, but we live most of our lives in our emotions (...) Rewrite the trauma. -- Loung Ung

Wake up from the Trance of Unworthyness (...) we take false refuge in busyness (...) and that everything is really important and I have to make the right decisions (...) find where we blame and come back into our body, agree to what's happening, and bring compassion and wisdom into the next moment(...) allow situations to unravel themselves(...) vengance is a lazy form of grief(...) ---Tara Brach

We do not need to ask for permission(...) with men as editors, museum curators, they act as "gatekeepers", who get to choose what is the best of the best (...) there is a biological difference in what men and women find humorous (different parts of the brain light up) but with a 50% female readership, the New Yorker only has 18% of its editorial cartoons done by women (...) take ownership of accomplishments (...) there is no right way to be a strong woman ---Sarah Peter

The mud, seeds, and worms of an unhappy childhood makes for creativity. I don't want to go to therapy to have that cleaned up (...) (regarding her book, Daughter of Fortune) "she's not looking for adventure she's looking for sex." (...) (on getting through writers block) I had a dream where I put Antonio Banderas on a tortilla, covered him in guacamole and salsa and ate him up. The next night I dreamed of Antonio Banderas in a bowl of rice pudding. The next night my husband suggested therapy. (...) Lust and gluttony are the only deadly sins worth the trouble --- Isabel Allende

How can a person wrap words around an experience? Any experience?

(and what happens when your pen isn't working, and you just can't scribble fast enough???)

This was a rather big experience, in a two day package.

Let me attempt to give you the gesture drawing of it, in words.

This was the Women and Courage conference, held at The Omega Institute in Rhinebeck NY. Omega is a bit like a yoga summer camp for grownups, with food much better than I remember from summer camp (and all vegetarian!).

I signed up on the day before the conference, prodded by my intuition to simply go, uncertain what this was going to be about. I turned over my credit card number for my room, train tickets, and conference, and before I knew it, I found that I was staying in a dorm called Nirvana in a quiet and green place, doing my best to settle my energy and listen and be present to what was around me.

The conference "weavers" called our presence with a drummer named Ubaka Hill, calling us like a town crier, a priestess, at the beginning of each session. There was something so sensible about using a drum, and the beautiful rhythms of it to call people together. Communication through sound that carries deep and far...

I became the unwitting and accidental (serendipitous??) representative "pole dancer" (the only S-Factor student... (Represent! I hear myself think...)) among these women... as Dr. Northrup and her daughters demonstrated hip circles on friday night... and then went elsewhere, not staying for the rest of the conference! I was wearing my S-factor long sleeve t-shirts both days of the conference, and was approached by several women wanting more... asking if the S could be brought to a womens conference in Indiana... another saying that "my hips don't move" and having the opportunity to tell her that is a very common thing with women... sharing how much emotion we keep trapped in our hip joints and how to move, pleasurably, not forcing it, and imagine scraping peanut butter off of the walls of the room... settling into Ruby's Pose... and to let the emotion come when it does... demonstrating more hip circles to an interested woman, and then getting many more questions from others, who were apparently paying attention! ...

During Queen Afua's presentation, we sang (chanted, maybe?) and harmonized the word for "magic word" in an african tongue. The two-hundred (I think it was more!) women present toning the word that was more sound than language, and it truly was magic...

We learned some of the history of feminist art in the U.S... all of which was unknown to me, in a movie presentation by Lynn Hershman Leeson... we laughed at the Target: Women Yogurt Edition (seriously HILARIOUS)... we connected with All Of Us (which will be on Showtime) and made the connection between childhood sexual abuse, promiscuity, lack of education, and incidence of HIV, (which now that I write it... OF COURSE there's a connection)... but then... and here's the kicker... they make the connection of the compromising of women's values and safety in the bedroom... across ALL socioeconomic classes...

What did I see? What did I learn?

That the leaders among women are not always well known.

That the angry feminism attributed as feminism is rapidly disappearing.

And its about time. We have more important things to do.

The voices of women, and of people whose skin doesn't look like mine, and of any underrepresented groups is essential to the fabric of a healthy society.

That these missing pieces in many cases are not necessarily the conscious decisions of exclusion, but that in every aspect where it occurs, it does a serious disservice to the excluded... and... to the included as well.

That these women are as funny, as wise, as self-possessed, as women who don't hold up the card that says, "I am a feminist"... and much of the time, moreso.

That to be a leader, you really Cannot give a s#it what people think of you. This I saw more from the presence of each of the speakers. You cannot get up in front of a group of people and do and say what they do, with a lot of ego. You cannot get your point across if you are worrying about what people are going to think about you wearing a white feather in your hair. Or talking about something as shocking as pleasure while doing hip circles with your daughters.

Also, there is no well-worn path! To be a leader requires courage that may come from a place of stillness and balance. And you cannot honestly find it by latching onto someone else's wisdom.

And... there is plenty of room to be a leader. To be centered in oneself. To have courage, the root of which is "the heart".

I am So going back next year...

p.s...

(and then, she says to herself, maybe, just maybe, its time to stop talking like this and actually get on with it... which may have been the whole point to begin with.)

Doing What Is Best For Me...

If there is one thing I can count on... its change.

I've read books telling about how our bodies change ALL the time. Our cells replace. It seems our consciousness is what keeps things inside boundaries... and we can pick, and learn and unlearn, the boundaries.

So, here I am, on a Wednesday, feeling like there are changes going on, and really, I should not be surprised.

So I took this great class (twice) and, when I couldn't wrap my head around something that happened with another student, and felt totally un-safe, I chose to leave the online community, which, according to the documents when I registered for the class, I'd have for my lifetime. I asked for my posts (All of them) to be deleted. Fast-forward to today(ish) where I learned what Kate from the movie French Kiss learned, that there's nothing safe enough to prevent things from happening to you... and that if you try you end up generally having a really boring time in the process... So, I decided to ask to return to this online community via email... after a few days of no response, I decided to see if I could actually log-on and, lo and behold, my account was still active! With about 300 posts still to my name! Well, geewhiz! So, I sent up a few posts ("brags" they're called...) and was roundly appreciated for returning... then I got an email (apologizing) that the webmistress would have to delete my posts, as we were waiting on a response from The Queen as to whether I would be allowed back on the boards...

and then I got the polite response from The Queen. Apparently, to be allowed the privelege of returning to the alumnae board (which I kicked myself off of, mind you...), she has "invited" me to take the class again. I can't say whether she thinks that I need the class, or if this is a matter of money (but taking a look at the economy...and at all I've learned and done which she has no knowledge of... my bet is on the former) but seriously... I'm not paying $3400 for access to a website. The website may be valuable, and the class may be extremely valuable, but I do have my priorities in order... It would not be pleasureable for me to take a class, although I'm sure I'd get a lot out of it, although not under these circumstances.

Don't misunderstand me, I do truly value what I've gotten from this class. I am much happier today than I was a few years ago. By that measure alone, the class was worth the price, the first, and the second time. I will say that along the way, I made choices that I would consider, now, taking back, but the choices were mine, and I'll stand with them.

Its kind of funny the way other people "know whats good for you"... its even funnier to me, considering this class opens paradigm shifts about exactly that... that the belief systems that have defined ourselves, up until now, may not fit who we actually are... and that the way to living the life we desire is to do what is pleasureable to ourselves, to follow our own inner voice, and break those boundaries where necessary. Sorry, Sweetheart, but why would I take on your definition of what's good for me, now, when you encouraged me to define my own life to begin with? I could go to Paris with that money!!!

I just had no idea I was SUCH a troublemaker... if I'd known this when I was in high school, I totally would have skipped class to go to McD's with the captain of the boys b-ball team.


The real Revolution lies within yourself and feeling your way through what is actually good for yourself...giving yourself permission, and choosing your teachers wisely. It lies in paying attention to the people and circumstances where you feel happy and satisfied (and the ones that don't!) and nurturing or weeding or pruning those things as needed. It lies in letting people love you, and laugh at you, and hold you when you cry... and in doing the same for them. Its in making a friend Chicken Tonite for dinner when he and his girl broke up. Its in learning not to let people stuff you into boxes that they choose (just because they're more comfortable with you like that) and loving them afterwards in spite of themselves. Its in living the day that is in front of you. Its in turning the so-called mundane into ritual and experiencing its meaning.

And in the thick of it, I don't think it always feels like a revolution at all, which can sometimes be the toughest part...