Dear Sir Sacks,
I was blessed to recently read a copy of The Dignity Of Difference, and I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated it. I am grateful for your mind, and for your ability to express yourself in a way that truly conveys what the issues are that are important for all of us in an increasingly interrelated world.
I am writing to you from the United States, and am a highly intelligent woman, an engineer, single, heterosexual, raised in a Republican home (now Libertarian in my political views), raised-Roman Catholic but now consider myself as not having a specific religion, because none of them really "fit" me, and I do see truth in all of them.
I would like to share my thoughts with you on a topic directly related to your book. I think that the covenant agreements as they presently exist are to be questioned, revitalized and revised to match the truth of who people are, irrespective of gender or age, and to also to include within the agreements that these covenants are open to revision as individuals grow and develop.
The covenant agreements as they are made today are more often than not made between parties who do not consider themselves equitable. For example, parents create a life based on their own perspectives and "traditions" that may not "fit" the identity of the child, and may create a circumstance where a child grows up with a severe identity crisis because of the parent's own limited world view. Also the contract between man and woman in marriage, the man is seen as the leader under a traditional value system, but that the "male breadwinner"/"female caregiver" role has largely disintegrated, and frankly, the woman may be more capable as the economics of industry has turned away from muscle-based labor as its driving forces. Personally the thought of being cherished and treated as a more traditional woman by a man who is more capable in the world than I am is a very welcome idea, but, given my God-given talents and the service I offer to my professional clients, I suspect the relationship I will create with my man may involve aspects which may be somewhat less "traditional".
It has been my observation that the preservation of the dignity of difference of which you speak exists not only between cultures, but between the genders within one culture as well. The role of women in all of the major religious and non-religious cultures in this world is subjected to the subjugation of their opinions and beliefs based on gender. When reading your book, I kept seeing reflected that "every woman is like a jew"... a group of people that is different but lives in direct relationship to all cultures on the planet. And intelligent women of history who carried the culture of women have been condemned as witches and killed for the fear of their wisdom. Women, in recent historically have also been set against one another most often as competitors rather than having a shared culture, and our culturally approved identity absorbed by the dominant (male) culture in which we live... and the "carrot" of what "should" be our "goals" as women (as established by the media, in the absence of an alternate view) set so far out as to be frustrating and unachievable... In short, there is presently no equivalent state of Israel for women, and no Torah, either in virtual-space or physical.
It is clear to me that the issues of women and of real gender equity is essential and inseparable to the global cultural dialogue of which you speak! I completely agree with you that a more localized perspective, and a respect for the role of religion, faith, and family play in the development of personal identity, however, when the sub-set of woman in all cultures is still consistently treated as a minority party of each culture, the dialogue between varying cultures will continue to be contentious. Women are a subset of all cultural groups, and sometimes a majority in population, and yet, all over this world women are bullyied, beheaded, and belittled in the interest of keeping a "culture" to its "fundamental" or "religious" perspectives.
For example, men are chosen as world leaders, but can't leave their house without their wife's assistance at matching their socks... And yet when a woman offers her qualified opinion to her man on work or financial matters, he will often reject it or ignore it or feel like she's not treating him "like a man". But consider this -- how well are men doing with the job of leading nations? Might not a woman's hand in things be of great assistance?
I've often seen this in my work as a lead electrical engineer on projects. Men (particularly older men) who are working on my projects will disregard my comments, but say to me "yes, yes, I reviewed it I'm taking care of it", and persist in doing things "their way" until they hear the very same comment from someone else who is a man, or until I exert my authority a second or third time. I've learned that I must address this without anger, although having my company authorized role and my engineering judgement, ignored and disregarded does feel very personal.
For the past few years, I have been a student of women, men, relationships, and myself, and have reclaimed a more feminine life, after having being raised to think more like a "man" than as a woman. I have forgiven, and continue to forgive, the "traditional" world-view that led me to feel like the identity of who I am was stuffed into a box. The irony is, the part of me that got devalued was the feminine part. I am personally doing the very work of which you talk in your book on a personal level, of forgiving, of remaining open in conversation and moving into my own wholeness.
The only way I personally have been able to come to a sense of centered-ness when dealing with "traditional (male) values (both contractural and covenantial)" was within a group of women that I've found, where we have created our own sub-culture that is focused on the creation of the life each of us individually desires through the spiritual practice of pleasure, receiving, and joy (http://www.mamagenas.com/) and also the art of returning to and honoring the organic feminine movement and shape of living in a woman's body (http://www.sfactor.com/ I'm pleased to say we have classes in the synagogue across the street from the main studio as well!). These groups feel like both a contract and a covenant relationship with these women, and it changes and metamorphosizes regularly. It is made up of women of varied cultural backgrounds (although I do have to say there are more liberals than conservatives within these groups!). As a result my consistent associations with other women, I can now look again at the Roman Catholicism I was raised with and recognize more of its gifts, and not lose my identity in the process.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I truly enjoyed your book, and will be looking up your work online to read more of it. I truly would love to read your own perspective on the role of women as it relates to and is in parallel to and integral with this cultural identity evolution we are going through... And I suspect it will be women who are most involved in creating this conversation, because we've been dealing with these issues for the whole of our lives when dealing with the cultures of men, as it is also women whose wills are subjugated by force in the interest of fundamentalism and the preservation of a so-called "culture". The evolution of culture and the Dignity of Difference which you speak will be best accomplished when men and women can appreciate and value this within their own homes, with individuals we sleep under the same roof with, in conjunction with the mutual understanding and giving value to vastly different cultures from our own.
Time and Exercise (and a baby)
5 years ago
