The S... Forget Everything I just Told You

(Dear Reader: Please Disregard Parts 1, 2, & 3, posted prior to this, as None of them have much to do with S-Factor at all...)

www.sfactor.com

I take S-factor because it is my way, my path, into an amazingly deep, full, rich, present, experience with my own divinity. When I dance at the S-studio, I disappear into the music, and become part of the fabric of an irrepeatable experience.

Sheila Kelley describes S-Factor as "Organic Feminine Movement". That, to me, sums it up completely. Through S-factor, it has become abundantly clear to me (a heterosexual woman) how beautiful the body and movement of women are. These women are my sisters. They are each uniquely gifted with different things, and each of us is having our own beautiful experience, evolving our own dance. We witness each others movement, triumphs, and tears.

I have had no experience more closely aligned with Spirit / God / Universe / Zen than I have inside that studio. I have become Light. I have felt a metal pole become wet clay on the suggestion of my teacher. I have danced raw emotion. I have shed deep tears that had been held in my hip flexors for several lifetimes, while in a meditative "Ruby's Pose", to the song Hallelujah (as sung by Rufus Wainwright).

I danced the grief of Woman (with a capital W) to songs like They Dance Alone (Cueca Solo) by Sting and Three Weeks Shy by Jim Boggia. The centuries of ungrieved loss, that resides in our cellular memories, so easily accessible, and so desirous of expression. I dance my ownpersonal ups & downs, and can feel the voice of my body and appreciate Her as something with her own separate expression from my brain. And good god, is she smart and wise and intuitive.

And yes, if another person could be a "fly on the wall" in this experience... if this could be all the things it is in the sacred space of the room that is the studio, and at the same time performed for a group of observers, I'm quite sure that we would each and all blow the observers away... That anything that the observer thought that they were about to see, would evaporate completely, in the presence of what real, living, moving beauty would be present before them.

I once had was graced to coreograph and perform an S-Factor routine for a group of women, as a performance... And the thing is... the coreography was almost entirely improvised, but I created a structure inside which that improvisation could happen... We made the audience cry with the beauty of us. and... quite a few of us were above a size 8.

When S-factor classmates go out for a drink, you will see a variety of ages, sizes, and races, all sitting together, being women. It does not escape me at all that this experience is precisely what would move international relations... if heads of state all took an S-factor session together. As it is, it's so irrelevant that we're "different". the language of dance and of being a woman transcends anything we think we are.

And yes, we are beautiful when we dance, our experience of our own beauty and strength, joy and grief, will turn you on, will mesmorise you, make you scream, sigh, laugh, cheer, and cry... but that's because we are experiencing and dancing raw juicy life.

So, before you dismiss your friend / daughter / sister / wife / colleague for this "thing" she does that you don't understand... Consider that she is quite possibly experiencing grace itself... all under the umbrella of something that some fools may write off as a profane waste of time... consider yourself very blessed to know her. And even moreso if she allows you the privelege of seeing her sacredness.

The S... Part 3

Have I blown your mind yet? Have your paradigms been shattered to bits yet?

Guess what kiddies... if you have ANY negativity about SFactor, especially if you know nothing about it, you are living in a totally outdated paradigm, from my perspective.

I mean really, consider this, SFactor charges $480 for a class that goes on for 8 weeks. Why are women like me paying for this class? What is the value in it, if it is all the nasty, raunchy, base things you heretofore have believed?

how about this... have you ever seen a kid, boy or girl, running in circles with one arm on a subway pole or a railing? WHEEEEEEEEE!! what fun!!!!! (when was the last time you had as much fun as that kid?)

this post is pending... this is the good stuff. but I gotta work...

Oh, and by the way, for anyone who's already here, ya know, gets it, please understand that these posts are for all those people who need to be caught up to what reality looks like to me. Sort of like I was listing the assumptions before I begin a scientific experiment. I haven't even yet gotten to what I wanted to say, at all... but then again, the people who actually need to "get it", and who "don't understand why I do SFactor to begin with", need to be brought up to what reality looks like to me.... otherwise, why would I even be discussing this question at all?

come back later and read more (i am such a tease...)

(P.S.S.,this is why its so hard for me to have normal and effortless conversations... I have to "unpack" and list all the assumptions upfront, because a lot of people aren't living under the same set of assumptions and definitions I am... 3 blog posts of disassembling other people's assumptions to bridge where-they-are to where-i-am before I get to the meat of the topic, what I wanted to say to begin with.)

Explaining the S... Part 2... Societal Bias

(and for those of you "out there" who are a little slow, I'm simply going to refer you back to this post, a year or two from now, when I haven't quit, and you still "don't get it")

S-Factor, more than anything else is a moving meditation, closer kin to taichi than to a strip club. Yes I'm serious.

And... here's a really long way to get to where this gets explained.

See... here's the thing... we do live in what evolved as a "patriarchal" society. That's just what it is, and I don't think we can change the past. And I'm not bringing this up because I'm angry or upset about it (and I'm sure someone out there is going to bring up the word "feminazi" simply because it is SO SCARY that there might BE another, different point of view... a variation on the paradigm you've been living in, ohhh... for about 5000 years... and if you want to know who you are (proof that you are living in that old paradigm): right about now your eyes are glossing over...on the other hand, if you're getting pissed off at me saying this, there is hope for you, you're going to wake up sooner...).

If you're looking for the proof of the patriarchal nature of western society, that would be a whole 'nuther blog post (or twenty) and a bunch of books that I'd hand you to read. Suffice it to say, the 'gender-neutral' in pronouns, and in the gender of an infinite being, aka "God" (which therefore has no gender unless it has both genders...) is male. If you want to take up this discussion with me, ask for another post. Next...

As a result of this societal earth-is-flat bias (sort of a social determinism...or an experimenter's bias... something from a basic chemistry class comes to mind here... as do Schroedinger and Heisenberg (and then I start thinking that really its no accident the faith healer Bruno Groening was around at the same time...and was German...as when the quantum physics - thang was going on... but I very much digress...) ) the body of a woman, her natural-born gifts of curves, curls, wiggles, and giggles, is basically seen as profane. Without even trying to attract or seduce. A 4-year-old-girl is asked to "cover up" her top (no different than the boys tops at that point) at a public pool because some grown-ups are uncomfortable... that 4-year-old girl gets the clear message she is Different. Set-apart. the message is, her body isn't good enough. And Why is a woman's body considered profane? because the people who are making the rules are turned on by it (and ya gotta teach 'em young... right? nip that in the bud.). Without her making an effort to do so. The power of a woman's body to turn-on, to attract, is SO powerful... her light has to be covered up under a bushel basket (or a burka)... Because a woman can cause car accidents Just by feeling good about herself and walking down the street.

But I hear men of all ages, "loving fathers", say they are going to lock up their daughters until they are 30. The message is, it's the girl's fault that boys and men respond to her. The sin of Eve, played out all over again. And that somehow, it is "supposed" to be controlled by men. That she, because she is a woman, is never, ever going to be good enough.

The power contained within a woman is seen (by men) as overwhelming and "out of control" unless, that is, someone (a man) is in control of it... News Flash: it is far better to have the woman, and the girl, be in control of her own power.

So here we are, in 2009, and the attitude towards womens bodies is still split. Either you are a whore or you are a virgin. There's little middle ground, unless you are a socially-acceptable mother. And your men want to PROTECT you from other men at all costs. Because, of course THEY know how DANGEROUS men are. So its the daughters who have curfews, get put under burkas,... and end up not owning their own bodies. Not out of their own selves, but out of an overdeveloped FEAR in the bodies and hearts of their men. End up hating themselves, thinking they are ugly (that one was mine for about 30 years...), or destroying themselves through eating disorders to meet an ideal, one that was set up by men.

Women's bodies are not profane. Our curves, our lust for life may bring you to your knees, but that is just who we are. And its a good thing womens bodies are designed to attract too, otherwise you-all would have completely descended into a world filled with detatched non-interaction as you all sit at computers, televisions, comic books, and spreadsheets and books, and forget to go out into the sun and have fun. You'd spend all your days playing XBox and Wii and ordering pizza. Unless you're at war, or a football player. (yes, I'm exaggerating!!!)

what I'm saying is your assumptions about women, about protecting women, about the seductive nature of women, is skewed, by the fact that this culture is built on the belief that God is a man. And therefore, we women-folk, are secondarily derived creatures, simply because we're not men.

In the words of Jessica Rabbit, "I can't help it, its just the way I'm drawn." damn straight, girlie.

Again... your assumptions are skewed. Not completely wrong, but skewed.

and really... how fucked up is it that WOMEN have to be limited and protected because MEN are "dangerous"? Have men grow up and have some self control instead! Duhhh....

(and if you're looking for yet another extreme point on the "acceptability" of this type of behavior by men, consider this: http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2009-04-04-afghanistan-law_N.htm I get the feeling there are going to be a lot of women with "headaches" in Afghanistan!!!)

So...all that brings us to SFactor, as I see it. please page forward to Part 3...

Explaining The S... Part 1... The NOT-Whys

http://www.sfactor.com/

As some of you may know, I take pole dancing classes.

And, I've found, a lot of you have absolutely no comprehension as to why... and your guesses as to "why" on the matter of these classes seem really, really, bad... and the reason I say this, is because there are a lot of you-all who won't even discuss about it with me, but will make jokes about it in the distance. (Which tells me that you think I'm some kind of bizzare freak or something... )

First, I'm NOT taking pole dancing classes to be "subservient to men" (yes, someone made that comment)... In fact... men aren't even allowed in the studio.

Second, I'm NOT taking pole dancing classes to learn to be seductive to anyone else (seducing myself is another matter entirely)

Third, I'm NOT taking pole dancing as a means of rebelling against an overly-constrictive upbringing.

Fourth, I'm NOT looking for "a second career"

Fifth, I'm not doing this for you, or for anyone else. (I'm doing this for me.)

Sixth, I'm NOT doing this because I'm some kind of freak.

Now that this is all cleared up (and really, if you can think of any other really bad reasons you think I'm taking this class, feel free to send them, so I can tell you, no, that's not the reason either!)

Now... for part 2...

my letter written and sent to the Chief Rabbi of Great Britain, upon completely reading is excellent book

Dear Sir Sacks,

I was blessed to recently read a copy of The Dignity Of Difference, and I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated it. I am grateful for your mind, and for your ability to express yourself in a way that truly conveys what the issues are that are important for all of us in an increasingly interrelated world.

I am writing to you from the United States, and am a highly intelligent woman, an engineer, single, heterosexual, raised in a Republican home (now Libertarian in my political views), raised-Roman Catholic but now consider myself as not having a specific religion, because none of them really "fit" me, and I do see truth in all of them.

I would like to share my thoughts with you on a topic directly related to your book. I think that the covenant agreements as they presently exist are to be questioned, revitalized and revised to match the truth of who people are, irrespective of gender or age, and to also to include within the agreements that these covenants are open to revision as individuals grow and develop.

The covenant agreements as they are made today are more often than not made between parties who do not consider themselves equitable. For example, parents create a life based on their own perspectives and "traditions" that may not "fit" the identity of the child, and may create a circumstance where a child grows up with a severe identity crisis because of the parent's own limited world view. Also the contract between man and woman in marriage, the man is seen as the leader under a traditional value system, but that the "male breadwinner"/"female caregiver" role has largely disintegrated, and frankly, the woman may be more capable as the economics of industry has turned away from muscle-based labor as its driving forces. Personally the thought of being cherished and treated as a more traditional woman by a man who is more capable in the world than I am is a very welcome idea, but, given my God-given talents and the service I offer to my professional clients, I suspect the relationship I will create with my man may involve aspects which may be somewhat less "traditional".

It has been my observation that the preservation of the dignity of difference of which you speak exists not only between cultures, but between the genders within one culture as well. The role of women in all of the major religious and non-religious cultures in this world is subjected to the subjugation of their opinions and beliefs based on gender. When reading your book, I kept seeing reflected that "every woman is like a jew"... a group of people that is different but lives in direct relationship to all cultures on the planet. And intelligent women of history who carried the culture of women have been condemned as witches and killed for the fear of their wisdom. Women, in recent historically have also been set against one another most often as competitors rather than having a shared culture, and our culturally approved identity absorbed by the dominant (male) culture in which we live... and the "carrot" of what "should" be our "goals" as women (as established by the media, in the absence of an alternate view) set so far out as to be frustrating and unachievable... In short, there is presently no equivalent state of Israel for women, and no Torah, either in virtual-space or physical.

It is clear to me that the issues of women and of real gender equity is essential and inseparable to the global cultural dialogue of which you speak! I completely agree with you that a more localized perspective, and a respect for the role of religion, faith, and family play in the development of personal identity, however, when the sub-set of woman in all cultures is still consistently treated as a minority party of each culture, the dialogue between varying cultures will continue to be contentious. Women are a subset of all cultural groups, and sometimes a majority in population, and yet, all over this world women are bullyied, beheaded, and belittled in the interest of keeping a "culture" to its "fundamental" or "religious" perspectives.

For example, men are chosen as world leaders, but can't leave their house without their wife's assistance at matching their socks... And yet when a woman offers her qualified opinion to her man on work or financial matters, he will often reject it or ignore it or feel like she's not treating him "like a man". But consider this -- how well are men doing with the job of leading nations? Might not a woman's hand in things be of great assistance?

I've often seen this in my work as a lead electrical engineer on projects. Men (particularly older men) who are working on my projects will disregard my comments, but say to me "yes, yes, I reviewed it I'm taking care of it", and persist in doing things "their way" until they hear the very same comment from someone else who is a man, or until I exert my authority a second or third time. I've learned that I must address this without anger, although having my company authorized role and my engineering judgement, ignored and disregarded does feel very personal.

For the past few years, I have been a student of women, men, relationships, and myself, and have reclaimed a more feminine life, after having being raised to think more like a "man" than as a woman. I have forgiven, and continue to forgive, the "traditional" world-view that led me to feel like the identity of who I am was stuffed into a box. The irony is, the part of me that got devalued was the feminine part. I am personally doing the very work of which you talk in your book on a personal level, of forgiving, of remaining open in conversation and moving into my own wholeness.

The only way I personally have been able to come to a sense of centered-ness when dealing with "traditional (male) values (both contractural and covenantial)" was within a group of women that I've found, where we have created our own sub-culture that is focused on the creation of the life each of us individually desires through the spiritual practice of pleasure, receiving, and joy (http://www.mamagenas.com/) and also the art of returning to and honoring the organic feminine movement and shape of living in a woman's body (http://www.sfactor.com/ I'm pleased to say we have classes in the synagogue across the street from the main studio as well!). These groups feel like both a contract and a covenant relationship with these women, and it changes and metamorphosizes regularly. It is made up of women of varied cultural backgrounds (although I do have to say there are more liberals than conservatives within these groups!). As a result my consistent associations with other women, I can now look again at the Roman Catholicism I was raised with and recognize more of its gifts, and not lose my identity in the process.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I truly enjoyed your book, and will be looking up your work online to read more of it. I truly would love to read your own perspective on the role of women as it relates to and is in parallel to and integral with this cultural identity evolution we are going through... And I suspect it will be women who are most involved in creating this conversation, because we've been dealing with these issues for the whole of our lives when dealing with the cultures of men, as it is also women whose wills are subjugated by force in the interest of fundamentalism and the preservation of a so-called "culture". The evolution of culture and the Dignity of Difference which you speak will be best accomplished when men and women can appreciate and value this within their own homes, with individuals we sleep under the same roof with, in conjunction with the mutual understanding and giving value to vastly different cultures from our own.