post-whine

Yes, I deleted a post I put up yesterday..

Didn't notice? Good.

nobody really wants to hear it when anybody complains. Unless you're a famous commentator and get paid to kvetch. I've figured that out, so, i've deleted it from my blog. Even if you think you're not complaining... and logic and reason may be part of the complaint itself, but still, people shut their ears if you have a negative emotion floating around. Most people, however, persist in complaining themselves, and don't get this, but will ignore you when you complain. No, it doesn't matter if you have a very very good reason (so I doubt anyone even registered yesterday's post, other to judge me as one cranky b1tch). Find someone empathetic, let them witness your wounding, and move on...

I needed to say what I said, and, as I've taken responsibility for my self, feeling what I feel, forgiving, and moving forward, as I can...

and getting as much sleep as feasible.

its a cyclical thing... like cleaning out your closet and releasing what you can, then going back in later on to find there's more to release, and more, but the stuff not released in January shows up in May to be considered, then again in August...

I'm learning I am not responsible to teach the whole world... at least not in an active way... that I can't change behavior of other people, the best I can do for myself is accept it, accept my own humanity and the humanity of others, and if a circumstance is a blockade move around it, or occasionally as Victoria Moran suggests in her book Creating a Charmed Life, to let the mountain just be there...

last night I took myself out for a filet mignon. Such a delicious treat... the whole mean was priceyer than I usually spend on meals, but really, it was SO worth it!!

still, I feel like the energy around is in upheaval, and I'm feeling stuckish, occasionally swampy, occasionally fantastic, surprised by things in good ways, and have been pulling my energy inward, and allowing the chaos to swirl because that's what it seems to want to do (speaking of which I really need to pay my bills).

ooof theres that sensation in my belly again... all the undone things, threatening to come up, thru my esophagus, and send me into a panick...

but really, after having an elevator on a project appear and disappear again (don't ask its not that interesting) and a meeting invade my progress.... I've done Enough today.