What Mama Didn't Tell You... (pt 1 of who knows)

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
(...)
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Here's the thing...

Most women have watched the movie When Harry Met Sally, and yet, most of us don't really comprehend the impact of this statement.

Instead, (some) women are raised believing that if we have the unfortunate occurrence of getting knocked up prior to marriage, we'll be guilty of committing accidental-on-purpose homicide of the eldest relative in the family. Perhaps offing more than one relative.

Why is this kind of fear and pressure placed in the hands of a 16-year old girl? Why tell her that the world is a terrifying place, and that to misstep would mean that she kills someone she loves And ruins her life? What lessons would you teach her about what she is not capable of on this planet? That in being born a woman, she is capable of destruction in her actions, even in the act of creation? What a terrible, fearful, angry way to live!

How about another way... How about creating a path that honors her, as a budding woman, already more capable of making her own good decisions than many of the boys her age, and teaching her to trust her own body?

...zooming out for a moment...
We have way too many unanswered questions on this planet. Too many economic, ecologic, ethical questions that require our attention. Now. Attention is required of the variety of opinions of fully engaged humans in universe of both genders, of every race to resolve and move forward in a way that honors all of us. It's time for each of us to play the part in the Universal Orchestra that we were put here to play as best as we can.. right where we are, right now.

Fear of self and fear of other gets in the way of this far more than everything else. That's a really good Why to think on, if you want to know Why it's not a good idea to be afraid of men, or of women, or whatnot. Or Why it's a good idea to let go of and forgive the memory of someone that hurt you.

It has taken me almost 20 years to sort this out, and I'm not totally sure I have it all the way sorted out yet. But, here goes.

...zooming back in for a tighter view...

Women and men have biological parts that fit together. God/dess / Nature / the Universe, built it like that. It makes sense, and is a very very good thing, that our bodies respond to one another... otherwise, there'd be very few people running around.

It's also pretty freaking clear that men and women ARE different creatures, think different thoughts, and use the same words to mean entirely different things. And within those sub-sets of male/female, there's overlap, theres a lot of individuation, and there are no set rules of behavior and interaction. There's a lot of ambiguity. But, we can still go back to (except in the noted case of hermaphroditism) that girls have girl parts, and boys have boy parts.

I'd like to say that I find the judgements people have about all of this largely annoying. Particularly when that judgement is based on fear (which it is most of the time). I find this annoying because of what it does to other people who are on the receiving end of this judgement, who generally are listening to people who should be giving them good solid guidance are making them afraid of their own bodies and everyone elses along with it. And I am Really REALLY annoyed that this fear and shutting-down and judgement is levelled largely at girls and women. It is Not my Fault or a Problem that my body draws attention. In the words of Jessica Rabbit, "It's just the way I'm drawn."

I am not suggesting a carnal free-for-all. On the contrary, the more a person understands and knows how things work, the more each person trusts their own body/mind/spirit, the less there is need for fear, and less general stupidity and fruitless rebellion.

I've spent the past couple of years delving into this and untangling the web of beliefs that have done an excellent job keeping me single. And, as with many things, I find that my path is rather cyclical. And littered on the path have been signposts to say what was said at the beginning, the DNA of the question and the answer, right there, but I couldn't see it without taking the walk for myself.

And the summary is this -- do what is best for yourself in all things. Honor all aspects of your body, your heart, your mind, your soul's purpose (god bless you if you know what that is) and LISTEN to that still, small voice inside that says, "Do NOT let that anywhere near me." or "Hang tight." And notice... that voice don't come from your brain.

Love your flesh. It is the physical and three-dimensional vehicle inside which the emotions, the brain, and the local experience of the soul all reside. To deny the body is to deny all that is part of it.

And don't spend your whole life being afraid of making mistakes. Filled with regrets for what you have not done, the "I Love You"s never said, for the sunrises missed while under the covers.

But, as is necessary, what I do with my life must be based on what is right and good for me. And, for me this is an amalgam of experiences of mind/body/spirit/emotion that is uniquely mine, and a never ending project. I'm sure it's the same for you.

And behind all of this, I come back to learning to trust myself above all others. Learning to drown out the opinions and judgements of others, well-meaning or ill-meaning, and listen with greater clarity to the voice within me, to breathe and be quiet. To watch less TV and go for more walks. To honor my own opinions, preferences and needs, and to forgive those who know not what they do, and to get on with the business of being alive.

I have no idea how much sense this post will make to you. I'm hoping, based upon the way the words are insisting upon their place written across this sky that there is something you're looking to hear.