a joyful reminder to put it all in perspective....

this is a great video...

http://cgi.fark.com/cgi/fark/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=3953635

desires 12.04.08

I desire...

to see & tour the M42 substation basement inside Grand Central Terminal (yes really).

to have a luscious, delicious make-out session where I lose all sense of time.

To enjoy the holiday season and feel well rested and happy and joyful.

To be slow-danced in my living room.

To learn to ballroom dance and be naturally good at it.

to see Garrison Keillor perform live (Prairie Home Companion).

To have a wonderful vacation fully-paid to someplace beautiful with amazing weather with friends.

To have a clean and well organized, vibrant, welcoming home.

To have EMOs!

Warm chocolate chip cookies and a glass of orange juice or cup of tea.

To have a luscious wonderful massage every week.

To make love to classical music.

to be married to the right man for me, and to have a child in the perfect time.

to experience orgasmic birth.

To laugh so hard I nearly pee my pants (but don't pee!)

To have a gorgeous lingerie collection that alllll fits me perfectly (including one of those old-school bed jackets with the fluffy bits on the edges).

To have tea and scones delivered to me in bed!

To experience wonderful gifted surprises!

healthy skin and a vibrant, fit, healthy body.

to release easefully the chemical sensitivity of my goddessly delicate feet

To go snorkeling

To go on a sailboat ride

To be serenaded... repeatedly.

To love the way I look in photographs.

a perfect and warm fur coat (or two)

To have an S-Factor patron who pays for all my s-factor classes, clothes and any other s-related whim I have.

To have my very own S-factor studio room with a squashy chair or two, 2 - 3 poles (for friends!), amazing wood floors and a fantastic sound system.

To have a friend who also happens to be famous, and we're totally normal with each other.

To go on a cross-country road trip by car, staying in great hotels, b&bs, friends homes, campgrounds, and to really love the journey.

To be taken on a date to the Metropolitan Opera.

To see a live performance of Beethovens 9th Symphony that REALLY rocks.

To be deeply, exquisitely loved.

To have a continuingly beautiful relationship with my nieces, particularly with my new soon-to-be goddaughter.

To have my hair brushed.

To receive a facial.

To receive compliments regularly.

To have my deep desires revealed and unfolded to me, and create more desires

To receive flowers gifted to me

To be surprised by the generous brilliance and abundance of the Universe on a daily basis in ways that make me feel happy.

for all the desires I have that havent been written down, to come to me in graceful and perfect ways.

Boob-A-Hedron

OMG..

What Would Bucky Say???

http://brickswithoutstrawenterprises.blogspot.com/2008/06/i-used-to-be-intellectual.html

this is Way Way Way too amusing not to post!!!!!







(Commentary... now that I've stopped laughing....Read it once you've stopped laughing....and thought about why you've been laughing.....about the baby's face, about the weird funky beautiful strangeness, the creativity... digest it for a moment for yourself.... then read....)











my thoughts....

OK OK OK.. this finally explains it... this... crazy... boob-a-hedron...This is the physical form of The Divine Feminine. THIS is the face of what we might call The Goddess. That "thing" that piece of our sacred divinity that is intellectualized and presented in The DaVinci Code and already dropped back into our cultural subconscious which is asserting itself bit by bit....

SHE is LAUGHTER. JOY. ABUNDANCE. HOME.

and desolation. destruction. nature.

It is utterly incomprehensible if you look straight at it. Yes, I know you're reading, and you are cranky about things you don't understand because you keep trying to stuff divinity.. expansive, explosive, all-consuming, into a BOX and GUESS WHAT....????

SHE COMES BACK AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

It is pure joy if you don't think, and just feel.

and it isn't about sex and it isn't about boobies. (well not completely... that's like saying an elephant can be described by feeling its tusk)

For 5000 years GOD has been some old guy with his finger pointing down to adam and giving life. Have ya stopped to think about this and what is wrong with that picture? LIFE comes through a FEMALE BODY. OUR EGG CELLS WERE PRESENT IN OUR GRANDMOTHER'S BODY AT THE TIME OUR MOTHER WAS BEING FORMED. Its Magic!!!! It's our heritage, our ancestry, and it is NOT to be given away so lightly to something known as a Male God!

Don't get me wrong at all. I love men. I think men are great. But I think that if everyone read The Chalice And The Blade they'd wake the f* up and recognize that at one point GOD was a SHE, and for darn good reason!

I think the Divine is BOTH masculine and feminine, because simply ITS MORE FUN THAT WAY. I think the Yin / Yang symbol the Taoists has makes TOTAL sense. Light is a particle and a wave. If you can wrap your head around that duality, you might have half a clue about this one, because it isn't an "opposite" the way you think it is... its entirely different.

The "issue" I have is this:

regardless of your political persuasion, Hillary and Sarah BOTH got picked on Why??? well.... why don't you tell me why? because to me, it looks like someone decided that because they are women, because they were formed in the gender that doesn't match the gender of the so-called-god... that because of this we women are incomplete. we're flawed. in the similar way a person of non-white-european-protestant lineage has been considered flawed. Except... this flaw-finding in women is in so many cultures I don't know where it isn't found.

good god, we WOMEN have HUUUGE EMOTIONS. HOLY CRAP THAT'S TERRIBLE. EMOTIONS? FEELINGS? CONNECTIONS TO ANIMALS, OTHER PEOPLE, THE EARTH, PLANTS, EVERYTHING. WRONG WRONG WRONG.
"NO. EVERYTHING WOULD BE OK IF WOMEN WERE MORE LIKE MEN. CONTROLLED THEMSELVES MORE. WERE MORE LINEAR AND LESS CURVY. MORE INTELLECTUAL."

The Nazis told us that if you tell a lie often enough it becomes the truth. Well guess what. Its time for the emperor to remember he ain't wearing britches. for 5000 years he's been naked, and we've let him get away with it. more's the pity for him.

(Men are NOT superior to women. Different, yes, but not superior.)

Yo... dude. who's been running this planet, hmmm????

and ... How's THAT been working for ya? Really?

Where and who, exactly, did these rules that are throwing our economy into inflation and recession coming from, exactly? WHY?

who made the rules that women's genitals, all over the world, are DESTROYED so that they can't feel pleasure? WHY?

who made the rule that women should live out their lives under a BURKA? and WHY?

Who calls woman "whore" and "slut" and "prude"... and why is a man a "stud" when he has these conquests? WHY? What is the word, the negative, demeaning word, for a man who abstains, or the man who takes as much as he can get? WHY?

WHY are ALL the faults of the world dropped on a female... Eve. Lillith. Whore. Witch. Madonna. Pandora. Prude. Bitch. Cunt. Medusa. The Sea. Banchee. Slut. Golddigger. Bimbo. Good Girl. Maneater. Fallen Woman. Feminazi. Shrew. all nasty little tiny veal-crate boxes to categorize Womankind. WHY?

and why, if we actually fit in these cages of words, do men persist in chasing women?

and yet... men bow down and worship even at the body of a woman. her physical form, having not known who she Really is on the inside. WHY?

nude sculpture and painting is more woman's bodies than men's. ... and .... the men are doing the painting and sculpting. WHY?

men throw away fortunes at nudie bars and strip clubs. WHY?

I don't have to wonder if the Kurgan Hypothesis was true or not in the expansion of culture through Old Europe. What I see around me TODAY is a culture that is OUT OF BALANCE and Aquisitive in a way that far exceeds actual use.

and what I know, from my own study, and my own Personal observation, is that it is time to bring back into flower the Feminine force of Divinity.

And... she's coming back anyway.... A long time ago She was turned into the "Dark Side" and was labeled the Devil, and the truths and wisdom and healing She offered "destroyed" over & over again...

because She is so powerful she is deeply Feared. She cannot be controlled. She can be contained for a time, and she will, in her own way, like water through rock, reassert herself. No matter what you do. No matter what name you call her by, or don't call her by, she returns. And she is ALL consuming.

And really... wouldn't it be better if you welcomed Her back? How do you THINK she is going to respond to You if you've been keeping her in a cage to try to control her? Nature revolts at control. Side effects in pharmaceuticals, anyone? How about depression? Addiction? Cholesterol?

This isn't about being angry any more for me... so don't mistake my exuberance for anger.

it once was about anger... because there was something that nobody explained to me until rather recently. Men don't hear women who are angry, they just hear noise. I have years of experience in this territory. Anything that I had to say, and I had a LOT to say, got buried under the emotions... and discarded by the listener, typically a man. Which had the reaction of making me more angry, and them more disconnected and judgemental. You can see where this got me. It didn't matter if I had something to say if the person couldn't hear it. This was very different for me because I could hear both the emotion and the thought coming in together from another person. And I thought everyone had the expanded listening & hearing range that I did. Its like a person who can see color assuming everyone else can, and being totally confused by everyone else seeing in grayscale. His circuits simply got overloaded when mine were singing out loud.

Maybe its because men have fewer genes than women do on that Y chromosome.

I don't know Y. What I DO know is that to ask any woman to kneel at the feet of a Godhead whose image She was NOT made from... well... that's just stupid.

One last moment:

Mother Earth...female, right??

Sol (the sun) is male, right???

guess what's at the center of the milky way galaxy?

a big black hole.

think about it.




.

Harlem, New York City, 11/4/2008

I woke up this morning early, intending to cast my vote, and get to work on time.

I was inaccurate on one thing.... that I'd be getting to work on time!

The line at my polling location snaked back, forth, back, forth, back, forth, back, forth, back, forth, back, forth... at least that much... in the gymnasium almost always previously vacant on election days. My district's line was apparently the longest, and I waited for TWO HOURS to cast my vote. The line was no shorter when I got out of it than when I got into it.

I felt a lump of pride in my throat. That people, in droves, of a variety of colors, religions, and sexual orientations, are participating in droves in this Presidential Election. That this election, however it turns out, reflects more of the diversity of the country than prior elections. The candidates represent at least 3 classes of people who have experienced discrimination (oh, wait, McCain gets 2 for his vietnam veteran status and his age) in our country's history.

My prayer, is that for the eventual victor in this race, that they are truly listening to what is really happening. The ears and eyes of the nation are on this contest more than ever before, and on what the outcomes of this contest can be. My hope is that the population will continue to be fully engaged in government and politics, and that, in the words of a quote I am so grateful was passed on to me today:
“I have to come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians” – Charles De Gaulle

My desire is that we all collectively get past the snarky emails and fear-mongering commentary, and, going forward, begin to stick to the actual issues. That this is the beginning of an increase in consciousness of our society, that, Yes, each one of us does matter, and that it is our individual responsibility to behave and lead, exactly where we are, from our personal and well-thought and well-felt ideals. That we get past our fears and hurts, and come into a place of communication and healing. That leadership is not based in gender, race, age, creed, money, or beauty. That leadership comes from each one of us, choosing what we know is right for our own self, and for knowing that others will have differing opinions, and that all perspectives are required.

I fully expect that moments of disappointment will soon come. That the realization that your candidate is human, or that the other candidate was selected in stead, will reinforce that we are each responsible for, as Ghandi said, becoming the change we wish to see. It is therefore nearly irrelevant who is in the Presidential seat if that does not happen, and it is nearly irrelevant if that does happen as well.

That the consciousness of each of us exceeds and defines the consciousness of the society, and its direction. That the old conventions only stand by and with our permission. We elect a President by our collective permission. This does not relieve us of the responsibility of our participation, going forward from today.

It is up to each of us and it always was. Be the Change.


.

My Choice. My Voice. My Vote.

I have settled on my vote for tomorrow.

I will be writing in the candidate for United States President who I believe would have been, and who may be the best person for the job. I am taking the stand I wish to take. That the candidate who I watched with interest in the primaries who handled herself as a person who I believe was well informed about the issues, and who I believe was dismissed for reasons that had less to do with politics... at least no politics that were above the skirt. And as I watched all of this unfold, and recognized that I was truly warming to a candidate who I can't say I really liked in past years in general... "That candidate has something. Means something. To me."

After this candidate stepped aside, that I listened to all of the discussions that occurred when I, an undecided, put one foot to the left, heard all the noise from the right; and when I put one foot to the right, heard all the noise from the left, of why the other party's candidate had no business in the Presidential seat. Ok fellas, I'm agreeing with ALL of you... and I am voting for someone else.

I am no longer listening to the people who say "you're throwing your vote away unless you vote for brand x or brand y". Actually, you only believe that because you want me to vote for brand x or brand y. I am done with your rhetoric. My vote is only thrown away when I vote for someone other than who I think is the best person for the job.

I have voted for minor candidates before, being, in ideology, a Libertarian (the Libertarians, by the way, were the first party to have a woman in the vice-presidential running, and the first woman who received an electoral vote for that role). I desire My vote to be meaningful. There is a voice I want to have that I am taking on in my one vote tomorrow, and it is My own voice.

I am proud that I've found my way here, in perfect time.

ode to my crankyness on ode writing

An Ode To My Crankyness On Ode Writing
having not written odes on Thighs, Wrists, Ovaries & Uterus, Breasts, and Lips.
first typed draft 10/26/08
(to be read aloud)

Viva La Resistance!
The keyboard stands empty
as unexpressed
My Lips, My Breasts,
My Thighs, My Wrists,
My Ovaries and Uterus
Their beauties in ode
repressed.

No! Say I
and No! again, No More!
Shall I dissect the sum of me
Subdivided in unliving soliloquy
For the whole is more
than that which stands alone.
For what are lips without
wrists to kiss or breasts to suck upon?
And where thighs meet
and pussyfeet to
uterus hidden throne?

Shall these sisters be
individual adorned
When apart they do not live?The same blood course
The same fate cast
the same reign shall I give!

Solomon got the whole thing write
When in his Song of Songs
He calls each piece
within her place
adorning each
with special grace
and then he trails... along...

My ostentations breast cry out,
"Nay! I want my ode!"
"Tell all the world of The Great Ta-Tas
and titties that you hold!"
Rebellious creatures. Noisy wits.
More attention do you cry?
"Yes!" she says and "Yes!" she too
"You know damn well we do!"

Dare I ask you, little wrists
your opinion on the sum?"Well" with breathy soft exhale
"Essential essence in S is yours
expression sine qua non sinuosity...
Darling, where would you be without usss?"

I bow my head, surrendering,
Neck giggles, knows
her time will come...
my lips just smile, blow me a kiss,
and say, "now, wasn't that just fun?"
"write the odes my little brain
let ego choose its part
for pleasure lays in Our embrace
so worship from the heart."

The souls of creation say "we are well pleased"Bodily manifest as ovaries
Uterian orchestration of doing the undone
Spinning worlds in flesh
of magic wells
and speaking through these ancient spells
WRITE! she calls AND WORLDS REPLY
WE WILL SPIN YOUR GOLD FROM BASIC THINGS
AND IN YOUR INKING GRANT YOU WINGS
I AM says She I CREATE.
LOVE YOUR FLESH SAY I.

The thunder from the voice of God passes,
gently, soft into night.
And the quiet pillars saying "Ssh..."
Carry all, bear all, all these parts. These thighs
say "ssh now.."
And I see their nobility
without them speaking a word.

Ode to my anger

I wandered, aimless,
dressed for sleep and sleepless,
hair unbound and feet bare
unsettled, awake in night.
Searching...

"Embrace the Power of Destruction"
gilt letters carved on a black door.
the air and door, cool to the touch,
I press my hands upon it
and enter.

Circle downward
further downward, on rich, ebony wood.
stairs worn by thousands of footsteps
empty tonight,
save for me.

Sulfur smelling in my nose
a draft of foulness
as I circle
circle
embracing the foulness
my mouth starts to water
my eyes see into the dark.

I am bathed in the fire
oneness in the dark and heat
I seethe, I feel, I ache, I scream
my skin and flesh enraged as I hear
all my children
all my mothers
all my Selves
shrieking in the terrors greeting us all
I feed upon the pain
I am engulfed and destroyed
growing strong in wanton bloodlust
immortal and unbound...

I am Queen of Hell

I am loosed upon the earth.

Holy Terror, Waking Madness, Pure Desolation,
I rip the ground, I set fire to your sky
All you who ever tried to abandon
the Truth
of that which is Dark.

I rip the throat out of the lie you tell yourself
I gut you and feed your belly to the fire
I tear down your edifice. your persona.
I will never Never leave you at peace
you will make your amends to me
cry for mercy
and still... I shall come for you.

I am your mother.
In darkness you were formed and fed off of my body
you shall return to me.

I am your sister.
raped by life and ignorance, and left a living shell
encasing the small unquenched flame of fury

I am your insatiable child
the hunger that screams at night for more
the deep well of shrieking silence

I am myself.
My body... containing the black and unknowable void
the unassailable vaccuum and the life giving furnace.

I am reborn.

I wake...
daybright and lucid
hair unbound and feet bare
my hand on my belly
wiser now for all that is and has been unmade.
all that is mine.
I am Queen of Heaven.